husband and wife

Wife’s Obedience to Her Husband

Dear scholars, As-salamu `alaikum. My question is regarding Obedience to one?s Husband. I have been constantly bombarded with fights and challenges when it comes to my wife having issues when it comes to listening to me due to the fact that if she listens to me it would mean she is lowering herself. She know that I listen to her so it?s not a problem of I don?t listen to her.  She fights for 50-50 in almost everything. I told her that as the Husband and the man of the house she has to respect my position, but she is not a person who if someone say to jump she would ask how high.the last fight I would explain to help you to understand what I am going through and would hope that you can give guidance. One of her guy friends brother had died recently, however, the friend is a person whom I dislike not the deceased, the brother who would be present at the funeral. My wife wanted to go to the funeral to show her respects. However, I informed her that I would not be comfortable with her going. She didn?t accept, she didn?t see anything wrong with going and so even though I was disturbed about it she still insisted on going and still went.  She is saying what about what she wants to do, she says it?s not like she is going to do anything inappropriate she is just going to meet her friends. Is this a sufficient excuse for her to go to the funeral even though her Husband is requesting that he would not like her to go because he is not comfortable and also not in the country? Should I have lightened up due to the fact that it?s a death; let me add further that it was not a Muslim funeral. I trust my wife however, if I am displeased with her going, is her excuse for going valid? I told her she could have sent a card or called the person whom I still dislike, or if I was in the country we would have both gone together, just I ask that you don?t go to the funeral.  This was still not enough because she still went to the funeral and met her friends and she was fine. She didn?t see anything wrong and I being displeased was not enough for her not to go because in her mine although I dislike the person she justified that it?s a death. How do you picture this situation and what do u foresee. I must add that I didn?t want her to go based on the fact that the deceased brother had a likeness for my wife whom she would meet at the funeral, I am not jealous but I prefer to eliminate risk instead of outing fires. She would be going to the funeral to send condolences and sympathy to the person whom I don?t like, cause at the time of meeting my wife this person knew that I was intending to be with her yet still he would want to be a close friend to her and she allowed it due to that fact that we were not married as yet or not close as yet. Can you please give guidance based on what is right as a Muslim married couple because we are trying to live an Islamic life?how can someone expalin to a woman that Man is the head? And it is equity not equality? Men are facing lots of problems with women when it comes to roles and responsibilities being mixed up.thanking you in advance and wish that you could answer my question in detail concerning the issue with the funeral and guidance for married women.

Having Intimacy with Wife After Contracting Marriage and Before Consummation

asalam-u-alaikum, i signed my marriage contract (nikah) in summer 2007. i have read many fatwas posted, though all gave me a good understanding but i still need more answer, a bit more specific to me. my wife is a cousin of mine who i have secretly loved (never mentioned to anyone simply prayed to allah that i may marry her someday and that someday finally came) her mother passed away when she was only about 9 or 10 years of age and i felt a lot of pain for her as she would be deprived of a mothers love. after signing the contract we quickly connected as i told her my feelings for her. and i began day by day to carress her more and more to show her my affection, but not goingto the extent of any serious intimacy. my roots are in pakistan and i currently reside in canada studyingengineering, its a culture thing that husband is not to consumate before the marriage ceremony (different from the walimah) although my parents never intervened if we spent time together alone. i told this so you can possibly better understand my questions.now that im back in canada, my wife still in pakistan, we talk over the phone and via the internet, we listen toeach others harships confort each other along the way and show affection for each other everytime. we also indulge in cyber sex and/or phone sex, is this allowed for me and my wife? and i will admit it does relax me when im tenseand vice versa and really helps me guard my gaze. also ive read the fatwa that only 4 months of separation isallowed from one's wife, is this true even if i have not yet consumated?also sometimes she tells me that she really needs me, like be with her, and i feel really bad and useless that i can't satisfy that need of hers. and the same thing goes for me somtimes i feel really alone, somtimes i can'teat properly, sleep is disrupted, i even cry sometimes while reciting surah Ya'sin. i know i have to be patient, but its getting harder n harder im begining to doubt that my prayers are not being accepted because of my own fault. what can i do? also is it ok for me to fantasize about my wife ( ie intimate fantasies)?also, what is the ruling on enlargment remedies for the private parts? one thing how short ca the beard be? my wife asks me shorten it. please provide me answers with as much detail as possible. thank you for listening, may allah bless you and helpeveryone attain jannah. ameen.