Relations between the spouses should be based on tranquillity, love and mercy. These are very important concepts in Islam. These three summarize the ideals of Islamic marriage. It is the duty of the husband and wife to see that they are a source of comfort and tranquillity for each other. They should do everything physically, emotionally and spiritually to make each other feel happy and comfortable. They must care for each other. They should not inflict any harm or injury, neither physically nor verbally on each other.
In order to increase the tranquillity and comfort in their relations and in their home, they should love each other and should have mercy and kindness for each other. Loving and merciful relationship is an important ingredient of a good marriage and good family life.
In this regard, Dr. Salah Sultan, President of the American Center for Islamic Research, Columbus, Ohio, and Member of the European Council for Fatwa and Research, states:
“The man should be obeyed as long as there is no disobedience to Allah. The ma`ruf is threefold:
1) wajib (obligatory) like ordering the wife to wear hijab or offer obligatory prayers, etc.
2) mandub (recommendable) like asking the wife to lower her voice or to visit a sister or someone in order to help her;
3) mubah (permissible) like asking her to go out with him to a certain place or to make a certain food, etc.
It is makruh (disliked) and haram (forbidden) for the husband to order what is makruh or haram. For example, it is not permissible to listen to him when he is requesting her to go out in tight clothes; or when he is asking her to buy lottery, severe relations with parents, or not to wear hijab.
Moreover, it is better for the wife to discuss matters with her husband. My advice to every wife is to talk to her husband’s heart before his mind. A husband needs someone to appeal to his heart before reason. The intelligent woman knows how to convince her husband with her femininity and by capturing his heart. Then it is easy to convince him rationally. What many women may do is to criticize their husbands’ decisions and opinions and discuss them rationally and by raising their voice. This only makes the man more insistent on his decision or opinion. Umm Salamah was able to convince the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) lovingly with a very critical religious and political opinion after the Hudaybiyah Treaty.”
All in all, we do stress that with dialogue and mutual love, the tranquility will prevail the home, and both the husband and wife will find themselves living in a merciful atmosphere. May Allah guide us all to lead a happy life and make our life a paradise on earth.
