Zeinab  Al-`Alawani, Instructor of Fiqh and Islamic Studies,Graduate School of Islamic and Social Sciences, states the following: I understand the concept of “obedience to the husband” in the light of verse 71 in surat at-tawbah, which reads: “The Believers, men and women, are awlia’ (protectors) one of another: they enjoin what is good, and forbid what is evil: they observe regular prayers, practice regular charity, and obey Allah and His Messenger. On them will Allah pour His Mercy: for Allah is Exalted in power, Wise.”
Based on this verse, the concept of awlia’ and the responsibility to execute Allah’s commands is very essential in understanding the boundaries of obedience to the husband. The wife’s obedience to the husband is not a blind one; it is always connected with the obedience to Allah and within the boundaries of ma’roof or goodness. Therefore, taqwa is the foundation of this obedience. This does not contradict the verse on qiwamah or guardianship because the life history of the Prophet and his example towards his wives is the best evidence to determine the true meaning of obedience and guardianship.
When it comes to the Prophet’s way of dealing with his wives, we find that he used to consult them, seek advice from them, and take decisions through consultation and dialogue. Therefore, the concept of “I command and you comply” does not exist in Islam as we answer to a higher authority – Allah the Almighty.
The husband is supposed to trust his wife’s decision in determining what is good for her as Allah has trusted the good believers of women saying: “Therefore the righteous women are devoutly humble, and guard in absence what Allah would have them guard.” (An-Nisaa’: 34)
therefore, both you and your husband are to discuss these issues sincerely without any dictatorship or stubbornness, and in view of what serves the best interest of the family.