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Has5768 Post

What is the Optimum Age to Have Kids?

Salaam… What is the optimum age to have kids. I am reaching 40 and I have had 2 children with operations. Should I go for more kids? Is it haram to have contraception? Why is it haram? I did not have a permanent operation and neither am I considering it. The contraception method my husband uses has worked for us so far, so I want to keep continuing with that. My husband and I are financially stable for now al hamdu Lillah, so far; but the way economy is going, that can't be for sure. We live in such a condition that we both have to work to run our family. If we have more children, I'd have to take a break. It would have to be short, and then I would have to go back to work soon. Which means the baby, like my other children, would have to go into day care. Is it fair on the little ones to go into day care? Now my kids are old enough, and going to school. They are requesting us to have another baby because all their friends have. They too want a little one to play with. I feel guilty that I am not having any more. I am afraid because of a number of things. My job, the economy and my husband's job, my age, etc... In my family, I have 1 sibling who is mentally ill. I strongly suspect [another sibling is likely to be mentally ill]. My father probably had a mental problem towards the end of his life. My children, so far are healthy al hamdu Lillah. But with age,. I am becoming more insecure in terms of mental health for my children. Is it advisable for me to still have more children? Why does Islam encourage to keep having children. It is not unfair to the child that its parents will not be young enough or not live that long when they need the most (during their wedding years or higher education). When I look around, the more children a family has, the less they can provide for higher education or other facilities. Especially here in the U.S., it is so difficult to raise kids in an Islamic atmosphere. My two children go to a private Islamic school. It is also very expensive for us and like I said, I'd have to keep working. So, even if I have to still send the baby to day care does Islam encourage me to still keep having children? What is the reasoning?

A Depressed and Traumatized Lady in a Foreign Land

Dear scholars, Assalam Allaikumi am a 29y old girl, Alhamdulilah i have a good job and i am successful on a professional level. i have been through lots of hardship in my life but i always kept the positive attitude and always had faith in the future. However lately, i have been through a major trauma that breaks me down completely. i admit that i did a mistake and that i played a role in what happened to me. But i regret all what i did and i repent my deeds and asked forgiveness from God. i promised myself that i will never do again what i did and that i will keep myself close to the right path. i still have feelings that i cannot get rid off and i feel very guilty. I will not talk about what i did exactly and what happened but i need your advice on how to strengthen my faith. My problem is that I lost sense of life and it no longer means anything to me. I even sometimes wish for death which I am fully aware that I should not do. I was always strong but now I reached a point where I cannot take anything any longer. I am fighting very hard with myself, I read Quran, I pray (I always do my prayers), I do Du?aa, but unfortunately, I feel  very miserable and that God is not happy with me at all. I feel lost and very desperate?I do not know what to do especially that I am alone far from my family. I live abroad and I cannot go back as I am the one to help the family financially?.i am not sure if what I am going through is the start of a psychological depression which needs to be assisted but a professional doctor or if it is just the spiritual void. I have been looking for books, checking on the net on anything to help me out but I am the same since now 4 months or so. I feel very lonely especially that all my friends got married and no w have different lives?sometimes I feel that if I also have a family around, I may feel better but this is something which is not in my hand. I want to get closer to God and to Religion but when I have my traumatic moments I cannot keep good faith?I don?t stop crying & I feel very very bad inside? I want to have a peaceful life like I used to have and I want like any other girl to have a home for her own (but I believe that marriage is but a Destiny)?please advise me what I should do? And if Ru?qia can be an option to release the inner tension and pressure I currently have? Sorry for being so long?wa assalam alaykum