Concerning the intimate relationship between spouses, Allah (Exalted be He) has revealed: “Your wives are a tillage to you, so go in to your tillage as you will, and send (ahead something) for your souls; and fear Allah and know that you will (one day) meet Him, and give glad tidings to the Believers.” (Al-Baqarah: 223). There is nothing in Islam which indicates that it is necessary for the couple to have sex on the very first night of the marriage as such special thing is left to the couple to decide when to have intercourse. Thus, there should be mutual agreement to avoid any traumatic or psychological problems.
In this regard, we would like to cite for you the following fatwa issued by Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, in which he states the following:
“There is nothing in the Islamic sources to indicate that it is necessary for the couple to have sex on the very first night of the marriage. It is up to the couple to decide when to have intercourse, so long as they do it through consensual agreement and they stay clear of the prohibited practices mentioned below:
1. Sexual intercourse is not permitted while the woman is experiencing her menstrual period. They must wait until she has completed the period and has purified herself through ghusl (major ablution involving complete bathing). Allah says, “do not approach women (while they are menstruating) until they have purified themselves.” (Al-Baqarah: 222). However, everything other than sexual intercourse is perfectly permissible during the period.
2. Anal intercourse is strictly forbidden; sexual intercourse must be done only in the vagina, while there are no restrictions in regards to other forms of sexual satisfaction, so long as they are done consensually.
3. If they are resorting to family planning on a temporary basis, it must be done consensually, not unilaterally.
4. Sexual intercourse is not permissible while one is fasting during the month of Ramadan. It is also forbidden while one is in a state of ihram (consecration for Hajj or `Umrah).
Furthermore, Islam teaches the couple to be gentle in their approach towards one another, and to make the sexual act as deeply fulfilling as possible, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
For further details, you are referred to one or both of the following works:
1. Marriage in Islam by Muhammad Abdul-Rauf, Published by as-Sadawi Publications.
2. The Muslim Marriage Guide by Ruqayya Waris Maqsud, Published by Amana Publications.”