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Is Civil Divorce Valid?

Aslamualikum, i would like to recieve some guidance on the issue of divorce.  i separated in 2005 and applied for my divorce on the grounds that my husband was violent and abusive!  i received my civil divorce (British Law) in 2007 although he didn't attend most Hearings or sign the divorce.As he promised that he will delay the procedure to make me suffer!  Due to his character and violent behaviour the judge issued my divorce as my husband wouldn,t comply. Straight after i applied for my islamic divorce, he again delayed the procedure by only responding when matters nearly came to an end. We had a joint meeting in the presence of 6 islamic scholars (Islamic Sharia) where in their presence he was violent and abusive!  The scholars verbally said i will receieve my divorce in a weeks time.  Instesd they are telling me to get a letter from my solicitors to grant him coinact time with my child who doesn't even know her dad as he never wanted any contact or provide any support.  They also want me to give back the gold set he gave me as a gift (not mahr).  The scholars haven't given me any advice how the marriage will dissolve, they keep demanding what my husband wants and when i ask any question the answer they give is "WE WILL SEE".  He has caused alot of physical and emotionall distress as he threatens me outside my house.  He does not want to live with me and he wont divorce me so that i will suffer because i don't want me or my child to put up with his violent behaviour!  I want this to end as it has been a long time and i want to lead a normal life with my child.  He has the Mahr as he never gave it to me. I have been separated for a long time and have a civil divorce so why is it in his hands as i have applied for khulla?  According to the British Law i am a free woman, but i am held back by  the scholars!  Please help as i have no where to turn to. Wasalam

Marriage Without Father’s Approval?

salami meet a guy at a wedding four years ago we were friends now would like to get maried his side family is fine but mines anit reason being he is muslim but not in my culture therefore parents will be against my decison. he is 38 im 22 age parents wont be happy, I wish to marry this person he is very nice caring in the past four years have always supported me when i was in depression and sad in September I have decided to write a letter to my parents when i have moved out explaining to them what has happened, in the way that I like this person and I've married him. if I tell them before, they will not let me marry him at all. I'm so confused, many people have told me that I can't marry without parents consent because it's a sin. I have no choice in this matter and is still finding it hard to come to terms with it. furthermore my parents always have a negtaive impact about my wedding becuase im fat not skinny and pretty like my other sisters b4 they say if im fat no1 will accept me from uk therefore will ave to go back home to marry i cant accept this dont i ave a choice in this matter??recently this yr my younger sister found sum1 love marriage parents agreed cuz he in out culture but lied to relatives saying its arranged marriage to every1 afraid of what people think. I've decided to get married in July, do my Nikah, then m ove out in September and write to my parents then explaining about everything. please advise me how bad my situation is? how can I get help, forgiveness from Allah because everything I'm doing is wrong. I always feel very guilty about the whole situation i fink i would be happy with the person i have choosen rather than what my parents will chooseplease help me to ressolve this matter i cant talk to any family members regarding this matter will allah ever forgive me for marrying sum1 aganist my parents willplease reply asapsalam

Marrying a Non-Muslim Who Has Inner Faith in the Islamic Beliefs

Salam Alaikum, Dear sir, I am a girl aged 29years old. I am leaving and working by myself overseas far from my family with my youngest sister. I met a gentleman who wanted to marry me. He is an arab like me and we are on good terms. However, he is an Arab Christian. I told him that a muslim lady is not allowed by religion to marry a non Muslim even if he is Christian. I love the guy and he loves me and we do not want to be together outside marriage. He is willing to marry me according to our Sunnah, and convert to Islam to make that marriage happen but he is not going to let go of his Christianity as it is not easy to forget about his roots especially that he believes in his religion and is a real practitioner. He used to go to church and do all the Christian related worships. We tried to get separated but I seriously cannot do without him ?and every time we get together again?I have great hopes that he maybe open to Islam and to the right path but I do not know how to do that especially that I do not want to be misunderstood that I am doing that just for the sake of marriage. Please advise me how I should approach him and what should I do? Would I be considered as kafera if I accept his conditions and accept to marry him? How can I help him to convert to Islam and can our marriage be the first step to such hedaya? I do not want to do something haram and at the same time I cannot live without him despite my perpetual attempts to get apart. i am torn between my love and my feeling of guilts...i am lost and i am unable lately to concentrate in my work. We are living in world in which it is no longer easy to find the right husband and as girls we tied out with our trditions which look at 29years old girl as an outcast if she doesn't get marriage althought this is something in the Hand of God. Pls help me as i do not want to make mistakes at this age. thank you

Should a Wife Obey Her Husband and Quit Her Job?

Dear Brother, I am an American Muslimah married to an Arab Musim man.  We have been married over 20 years and and have 4 children and he has raised my 2 children from a previous marriage as his own, for which I hope he will be rewared well.the problem is that a few months ago he got a job for me which I like very much.  He has never held a steady job and calls himself a businessman.  His business is however irregular and not very dependable.  My job is teaching English as a foreign language as we live in an Arab country.  I teach children and oversee the English Department of the school in the morning and teach adults (usually my children's age) in the afternoon.  The job is respectable, comfortable, interesting and within walking distance of my home.  The pay is well above average for this country. My husband is now trying to bully me into quitting the job.  I don't want to disobey him just as disobedience.  We really need the money that I make.  As I already said he has no steady job and we are in a great deal of debt.  We have lived for years without medical or dental care, we live in his mothers house, we have no home of our own.  Sometimes we have to ask his elderly mother for food.  Most of the things we have are castoffs of his relatives.  Nothing ever gets repaired unless it affects his mother.  When we are tight on money, he verbably abuses me and the children (the smallest of whom is 13 years old), and has thrown things at me.  He sends me to relatives to borrow money which he never pays back.  He has begun borrowing from my reveativly newly married daughters, and is causing stress in their marriages, because he doesn't pay back the debts.  I feel that I have decieved them because he told them he would pay them and some other relatives out of my salary.as I said, I don't want to disobey him, but we are in a lot of trouble financially and I know that I can help with my job.  How can it be right to cheat and lie to people and wrong to work?thank you very much and God bless you

How Should a Man Choose a Wife?

Salam alaykum dear scholar,I have a question regarding a muslim sister. I am hoping you can give me some guidance as I am feeling quite confused and lost.I am making a lot of dua to Allah about this issue and inshaallah I will make istikharah within the last 10 days. However, I need an objective opinion and advice.Bismillah,I have known this sister for sometime now and have grown like her quite a lot and I believe she also likes me as well. I have considered strongly marrying her but there are some issues that stop me from proceeding asking her:1. She is from a different country and I am not sure how her family will accept me as in the culture it is quite unusual for people to marry from outside ? this is not a major issue for me. 2. The culture in the country, even though majority is muslim, is such that the mixing of the sexes is not unusual and because of this she has several guy friends ? this is a major issue. 3. She currently works at a company where she is required to take offshore trips to oil platforms in the middle of the sea. These platforms generally have over 90% male staff on them. This is the most worrying aspect to me ? this is also a major issue.Despite all these setbacks, I have made several istikharah prayers during last Ramadan and have not being able to make any concrete decision. I have attempted several times to search for an alternative since then but to no avail. My friends now tell me that it is better that I make this choice and inshaallah Allah (SWT) will help us. I am also beginning to believe this and all indications point in this direction.I am however really keen on marrying a sister that will be Islamically sound and will want to change NOT for me but for Allah. Thus I have been reluctant to discuss these issues with her as I am afraid that, if she agrees to change, it may not be for the sake of Allah.I had made a strong decision to ask her in marriage during or after this Ramadan. However, now I heard that she has been given a short offshore job and this has further put me off as I do not know if I can live with a woman with this kind of position. But my heart is confused and my ibadah and khushu in prayer is disturbed.Please can you give me an objective answer on this? We really like each other.La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah.Jazakallah khair.

Wife Seeking Divorce for Her Extreme Hatred for Her Ill-behaved Husband

assalamualaikum i have written to you before about getting forced by family to get married back home. i was suggested that i try and make things work with the guy i was forced to get married to. it has been 3weeks my husband has come. as i mentioned earlier i do not like the guy but as i was suggested to give it a try. i made it my intention to try. but the night he came, i tied explaining to him that i need a bit of space and time. as soon as i said that to him, he start threatening me that he will go back to Bangladesh, hes going to tell the whole family and hes going to do this and that. since the day he came, every day i was getting in to trouble by my mum. she would take me to a room alone and scream and shout at me. everyday my husband was telling family a new thing and getting me in to trouble. he'd explain to me to keep things that happen between the to of us to ourselves so it is what i agreed on. everything he did wrong he'd tell me not to tell my mum and brother in law, but as soon as id step out of the room, he'd ring my brother in law and tell him and the family a different side of story which puts me in the wrong.10 long days i was getting into trouble at least twice a day. he keeps mentioning to me that a husband has the right to beat his wife. he also keeps saying to me that i have to do as he says because hes the husband. he also gets very aggressive and tries forcing me to get physical and has hurt me 3 days. due to his this act, he has made it almost impossible for me to look at him. he is also including my little sister in all this. she is only 7years of age and he sends her to listen to what me and my sisters are talking about and to report it back to him. 1 day out of anger what he did was throw the prayer mat at my brothers feet and slam the door shut. he did this because he told me to do my wudhu and read namaz. at the time i was explaining something to my brother and just because i did not do as he said straight away he did such a thin g. i will not say i was acting right, i did not want to look at him, i did not like sitting in a room alone and having a conversation with him. but after all his acts and me trying to explain to him that i need time and space and him getting me in to trouble and forcing me, i do not want to see him or speak to him. i do not want to carry on having a relationship with him.i was suggested that i give it a try but it is almost impossible for me to do so now. on the 10th day he was here, i did something i was not supposed to do. i called the police and went away from home. the night before that i got into a lot of trouble. my mum, dad and sister took me into a room and a lot happened. my mum hit me, my dad shouted at me and said that i have to live with the guy whether i want to or not. he also threatened to send me to Bangladesh alone. i was so scared and couldn't think straight so the following day i called the police. i know it was not a wise thing to do but i felt as if it was the only thing that would keep me safe. i came home the following day to my uncles house because my mum promised me that they will not force me to live with the guy. i stayed at my uncles house for a week and now i have come home and asked for forgiveness to my mum and dad. i hurt my mum and dad a lot because i did this. am i getting gunnah (sin) because i did such a act and hurt my family? what family say is that i have to live with the guy because people are going to talk. they don't want to understand that i cant live with him. I've tried for the sake of family, not for myself but family but nothing is working out. my feelings for him are only getting worse. is it gunnah for me to feel this way? Ive tried consoling my heart but i just cant. i want to get separated from him but family wont allow it. is it right for me to go against my family and get separated? will i get gunnah (sin) if a do this? i have not allowed the guy to touch me since he has come but he has tried forcing me. i absolutely hate him and hate going in front of him. i am very confused and need advice. Jazaks

Marriage Without the Approval of a Wali

Assalamualaykum, Dear Sheikh, I want to put forward my situation to you and want you to please advise me what I need to do according to Quran and Sunnah. Myself and a girl started out writting letters to each other about 6 years ago, Me and the girl were aware of the sins and were told to stop by our parents but did not listen. We even wrote letters to each other quoting from Quran and Sunnah that what we  doing is HARAM we should not see each other and we handed the letter to our parents but we deceived Allah and our parents. At night time I would go to her house without her or my parents knowing and she would let me in. My parents were very upset and because of all that I was doing my mother became ill. Me and the girl then got married in a car park but she had no wali present. It was just Myself, her and 2 witnesses.the car park nikah was done prior two years before I ran away, her parents found out first. Her father went to my uncle and mentioned to him my uncle said that this is not a valid nikah according to shariah. My uncle then told my father that your son has got married in the car park 2 years ago, my father rang the girls father saying what I am hearing is it true and her father said yes so my father said why didn't you come to me he said I don?t care and I accept this nikah because my daughter approves it. (At this time me and the girl also thought we were married because we were told according to Imam Abu Hanifa the nikh is valid, and she was a Hanafi). When my parents asked me is this true that you got married I denied and had always denied till I ran away. Before I ran away from home I use to visit the girl at her house, her parents use to allow me in and I use to take her out without my parents knowing.at the time we both thought that we were married. At this time her mother and father also accepted that we were married. I then ran away from home and lived with the girl for a day before returning back home. Before I returned back home my parents went to the girls house to bring me back home but the girls mother and father spoke rudely with my parents and said if you want your son back you have to go through us.. When I returned back home then we came to know that because the girl never had a wali present at the nikah the marriage was void. I then left home again and we got married with her brother present as a wali, Her father refused to be present at the second nikah because he believed the first nikah was valid, However myself, the girl and her brother believed that we needed to do it again. The girls father agrees with the first nikah till today. Before the other nikah took place I use to visit her house behind my parents back there did not know anything about it. The girls parents  allowed me in the house  and I use to take her out as well. Even after Knowing that the car park marriage was void. We were doing HARAM. My parents did not know about the second nikah until later there found out from somebody, When my parents found out all this was happening behind their back my mother rang the girls mother and said what is all this we are hearing, the girls mother said I respect my daughter and I have nothing to do with it, my mother said that this is Haram for oppressing a Muslim and not obeying Allah shariah. She replied let us make it Halal. My mother said we do not have the permission of making Haram Halal. I repented for the sins I had commited before we got married but at no point left the girl. The second nikah was done after 3 days when I ran away from home the second time, and by then I was living with the girl and was repenting but did not fulfil the conditions of tawba by leaving the act When my parents after a month tried to get through me their told me come home lets talk I said if you want me then you will have to accept her aswel, I was trying to blackmail my parents was it right not to respect and obey my parent because of what I did, because Allah says do no obey your parent when there tell you to do wrong.The Prophet  (peace  and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ?There is no marriage without a  wali.? Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2085;  And he  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ?Any woman who  gets married without the permission of her wali, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.? Narrated and classed as  hasan by al-Tirmidhi, 1102; Abu Dawood, 2083; Ibn Maajah, 1879 ? from the  hadeeth of ?Aa?ishah.this is the principle that was followed by the companions of  the Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), including  ?Umar ibn al-Khattaab, ?Ali ibn Abi Taalib, ?Abd-Allaah ibn ?Abbaas, Abu  Hurayrah and others. Thus it was narrated that some of the fuqaha? of the  Taabi?een such as Sa?eed ibn al-Musayyib, al-Hasan al-Basri, Shurayh,  Ibraaheem al-Nakha?i, ?Umar ibn ?Abd al-?Azeez and others said: There is no  marriage except with a wali. This is also the view of Sufyaan al-Thawri,  ?Abd-Allaah ibn al-Mubaarak, Maalik, al-Shaafa?i, Ahmad and Ishaaq. MY PARENTS ADVICEthey always told me that this girl was not good to me for my Deen because of her character, and we will not help each other in Birr and Taqwa. And after experiencing the girls parents behaviour regarding the Deen my parents said even they are not good people. (My parents are not accepting this because their say I am living in sin and they don?t want to get involve in the sin their will do sabar and please Allah by obeying his commands) My parent are telling me I did not fulfill the condition of tawba by leaving the act and  I am still in the sin. Since then I have not been home for three years, I do not get on very well with my inlaws because of the way they treated my parents, however me and my wife are happy together we also have a 2 year old daughter now, And Alhamdulillah  we have been and still are practicing islam. The only thing missing is my parents though, I have put forward everything to you would you please advise me from quran and sunnah what I should do. Do I carry on living with my wife? or do I divorce her and go back with my parents?and also If at the time of the second nikah the girl still agreed with the first nikah then will the second nikah still be valid? Jazakallah Wasalaam,

A Wife Complaining of Her Busy Husband: The Way Out

assalamu aleikum. i have a question concerning my husband, he is a very good person, he gives me everything i need like money,food,cloths etc.but he is a very busy man his job involves travelling from time to time thats is hard for me staying home alone from morning till night sometimes he comes home around 10pm sometimes early.he is a businessman, so even if he is around,he still goes out morning till lunch time,he eats rests till asr prayer then leaves home for his work and comes back home around 9pm or sometimes 10pm.even weekend he goes out to meet with friends for his work.so he doesn't rest at all.i tell him dont do this,ur always busy and no time for your wife.he tells me what can i do,i am a businessman and i have got alot of work.he never ever leaves time for me,when he is home,he either sleeps or watch tv but he doesn't spend time with me.when i tell him his mistakes he starts to get angry at me and he doesn't reply me,he just sits and becomes quiet,that makes me sad till i start to cry.i tell him you dont love me if you did you could have spend time with me.he tells me he does love me, but i dont just see it,if he didn't love he wouldn't have given me everything i needed.when he gets angry at me,he starts to say words which hurt my feelings like:go home to your mum,i dont love you anymore,i will marry another girl,you dont deserve to be with me.that makes me cry,i start to beg him to forgive me but he refuses,he doesn't even feel iman for me seeing me crying like that.it takes me hours to beg then he forgives me.i tell him p lease lets sort out our problem so that we dont fight again but he doesn't listen to me, he tells me i dont love you and dont ask me to do anything for you coz i wont do it.am just with you coz of my daughter.then after a day he he cools down and acts normal and he tells me he loves me, i just dont understand him.he loves me but he wants me to let him do what he wants, he doesn't want me to correct his mistakes,he doesn't want me to tell him dont watch tv its not good,better that time spend it with me so that you get thawaab than staying on tv.ilove him so much and i dont want my marriage to break apart but this is what he does to me.please tell me what i should do islamically.i want him to care for me,love me as i do and listen to what makes me happy.i love going out with my husband like going restaurant to eat sometimes on special occassion but he tells me he doesn't like eating out, i tell him to do just for my sake to make me happy but he refuses.whenever i tell him to do something for me which makes me happy,he doesn't do it and when i get angry,he doesn't care to comfort me,he also gets angry and tells me hurtfull words till i get scared telling him anything.please help me on what to do islamically.maasalaam

A Repentant Homosexual

Dear scholar,I am a 31 year old male doctor residing in Pakistan and a Sunni Muslim. I have done well all my life except in the past two to three years when my problems began. I am a feminine guy and by nature, I am sexually attracted to males. This has been going on since childhood and I think this is genetically determined. When I was 12 years old, my driver had anal sex with me. At that time, I was very young and presumably this was not my fault. But three years back, my trouble began when I left my clinical career for research in Pakistan as I was finding difficult to manage a clinical career. The research work was very boring and my colleagues kept on telling me to marry to find some success in life. Since I was attracted to guys only, one day I met a guy in my hospital. He was very nice to me and also touched me and I offered to have oral sex only with him and he agreed. He took me to a place and there he had anal intercourse with me which was with my consent due to my nature after my initial reluctance but also his insistence. Since then, I have been in deep trouble. I am having problems at work and fear that Allah's wrath will fall on me. I think I have committed a sin and will be punished for that. After having intercourse, I bled anally at home as well next morning which was seen by my parents. So I had to admit this to my parents as well and eventually my whole family got to know about it. Later on, I found out that the person with whom I had sex was an Aga Khani.I have a few questions:I have become an object of joke and fun among boys and girls in my hospital which I don't like. What should I do to get my sin forgiven?If I have to get married to a girl, my parents would be reluctant to find a girl. How should I find a girl who would stick to me and whom I would be able to satisfy?What should I do to have my sins forgiven and get Jannah on the Day of Judgement?