In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
We would like to pose the following question, “what does birr al-walidain (dutifulness to parents) mean? The answer is simply dealing with them in a good way, obeying their just orders, supporting them and respecting them. These are due rights on you that you will be held accountable for before Allah on the Day of Judgment about them. Almighty Allah said, “Thy Lord hath decreed, that ye worship none but Him, and (that ye show) kindness to parents.” (Al-Israa‘, 23) Kindness to parents is, in fact, an obligatory act of worship upon every Muslim; male or female.
When you are surrounded by many relations, what you are in need to do is to identify everybody’s right; your mother, yourself, your wife, your relatives, etc. Then, you should assign bounds for everyone’s rights so that their rights do not lead to violation of others’ rights. Just as you are asked for dutifulness and obedience of parents, you are bound by your wife’s and family’s rights. Prejudice on anyone is not allowed. So, keep dutiful and be patient to your mother, ask your wife to be patient as well and ask Allah to perfect their psychology and character.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Each one of you is a guardian and each one of you is responsible for those who are under his or her care.” This Hadith indicates that every one is questionable about his responsibility as regards his dependants. So, fear Allah concerning them and do not wrong your wife or even your children. Allah ordered us to obey our parents in good matters not in injustice. Moreover, everyone, whosoever he is, is not entitled to violate others’ rights or ruin people’s stable life. If your parents had treated you badly, do not let that affect your family.
Seek Allah’s help and do not be weak. Acknowledge every person’s rights and do not do or permit injustice to anyone. And finally, be patient and remember that Allah loves His forbearing slaves.
May Allah guide all to what pleases Him!