parents

As-Salamu `alaykum. How can we protect our children from internet abuse, as more and more pornographic websites are mushrooming everyday? I tried all software programs but of no use. How can we stop them with the help of golden principles of Qur'an and Sunnah. Please, mention all Qur'anic verses and hadiths, which prohibit pornography and obscenity.

My 14-year-old son hates his father and I. We do not hit him, do not yell at him, treat him with respect, and still he hates us and does not talk to us. He always says that he hates us. He is our only child and we came to America for a better life but he makes our life miserable. I wonder if this is because I am a working mum and he feels that I have not much time for him? My friends tell me that this is a typical 14-year-old’s response. Is this acceptable, and what can I do to help him get through it? I try to do my best, but I need help and I do not know any Muslim family around us. Please help me and my husband.

My parents argue a lot. It upsets me ( somtimes it sends me to tears). Mum always wants to be right and dad screams at her. I'm the oldest sister in the family. Is there anything I can do? I feel helpless being only 15, I'm so scared that my parents might get divorced.

My mother told me that I should give her   an amount of money that she isn’t in need for I answered negatively because it isn’t her right to get a reward and that because she is too greedy she said to me then that I get her displeasure in front of Allah in the after hood. What’s my status in front of Allah most higher? what is my duty?

Respected scholars,As-salamu `alaykum. If my mother is old and needs someone to look after her, would the son or the daughter be better to look after her? I mean that the mother would live with them in the same house.and if the son decides to take his mother with him, and his wife starts to give her hard time, what would he do in such case? Jazakum Allahu khayran.

Assalamou alaikoum dear scholars,I am a convert to Islam. I would like to know if it is permissible to limit the contacts between my family and my children to protect my children. I plan to raise my children in a muslim country and I fear that my children would be traumatized by the contrast between the muslim environment where they will be raised and the bad manners of my non-muslim parents and brothers (verbal violence towards my mother and myself, openly lying and cheating, inappropriate sexual discussions, committing fornication openly and considering it as good, drinking alcohol, etc). Also, I am considering restricting the contacts between my children and my non-muslim family because I fear that my non-muslim family might reveal to my children the sins I committed before converting to Islam (I cannot ask for cooperation from my family regarding this issue).The two issues at stake (my children being traumatized by my family's manners, and my children learning about my past) become particularly sensitive for the well-being of my kids because I plan to raise my kids in a conservative muslim country where they won't be exposed to such things.I know that Allah commands to maintain ties of kinships, but I would like to know if it is permissible to limit the contacts in this particular situation, which is to protect my children. Jazakoum Allah kheiran

Which of the two should take priority: performing the obligatory Hajj, or paying off father’s debt?

Aselamu Aleykum,Can I pay for my mother's Hajj before I perform the Hajj myself? Note: For some reason I can not perform the Hajj this year but I can pay for her and her Mahrem. And I am plannig to perform the Hajj next year insha allah.

Hello,I have a question regarding the conditions on which you, as a muslim are allowed to disobey your parents.In Islam, is says that your parents are your jannat. If either of them die upset from you, the doors of jannat are forever closed for you and you cannot enter jannat when you die, and on the day of judgement, Allah will refuse to talk to the person whos parents died upset from the.however, For example, if your father is doing wrong deeds (he's a gambling addict and doesn't offer salah), and commiting sins and hurting and abusing your mother and emotionally abusing you, and after years of trying to keep things together, your mother who you believe to be in the right, wants a separation and your dad has to leave.But you are a 20yr old daughter and when relatives get involved and your father is leaving the house, he expects you to take his side and leave your mother for him, but you know that he was the one who caused this trouble upon himself with his own bad habits, (you have been trying to stop your father from the sin for years and telling him how much is hurts you) you refuse to leave your mother and go away with your father, or you dont stop your mother from the separation as she is very hurt by your father and will not listen, so you don't leave the house and your mother and go with him or you do not stick up for him as he is in the wrong. So, then he gets upset from you and then dies in that anger.So, in this case, were you in the wrong for not listening to his orders? And if you or your father dies soon after the row, are you not allowed to enter jannat?I mean, he is being upset from you for the wrong reason. They say in Islam it is bad to do zulm on anyone but is it also bad to tolerate zulm?Also, if your father forcefully keeps taking money from you for gambling, and stops you from letting your mother know about this, but you feel that she has a right to know, what are you supposed to do in that case? And will it be wrong for you to refuse to give him the money if you know he will use it on something HARAM (gambling?) When parents get divorced, if the child lives with one parent, does the other one has a right to be angry with the child (i mean if the father wants the child to himself and doesn't want the child to have any contact with the mother, but the child does not agree to this as he also has to obey his mother according to islam, is the selfish father liable to be upset from him/her and does the child lose out on the jannat if the father is upset from him/her for this reason?)Plz can someone answer this question properly as i feel stuck between religion and between what is right to do.thanks

Assalamu alaykum,In Islam respecting ones parents is very important, but does this respect mean that the son is not allowed to have an own opinion/ his own person and secrets/ to discuss with his parents and even refuse somethings?

Assalam alykum respected scholar  could you please answer the following questions in the light of the quran and sunnah. 1.What right does a mother have over her sons salary.Does the son have to take his mothers permission to spend his salary.Can a mother prevent her son from spending on his own family that is his wife and children?2.What rights do parents have after marriage.Does the daughter in law have to take her husbands permission or her mother in laws permission if she has to spend from her husbands salary or even if she wants to give away some clothes which she bought from her husbands salary.Here i would like to state that my mother in law has told me that it is her right that i should ask her before i give away anything from her sons salary because she has a right on her sons salary.3.Does islam say that the daughter in laws are brought into the house or in other words the son is married so that his wife will take care(do khidmat) and do all the chores for her in laws?4.What action should a husband take if his mother in front of him is telling things to her daughter in law and these do not comply with what islam teaches and also which is not in favour of the daughter in law it clearly shows that the husbands mother is telling it so that her sons wife is not benifitted by it.5.Does a mother or father have a right to dissovle  their sons marriage or to ask him to marry and leave his current wife just because the inlaws dont get long with the sons wife as she stands up to what ever wrong they do and her husband does not say a word to his parents even if in   front of him his parents told or did wrong and if confronted by his wife he says they are my father and mother i understand this but if you could please answer how should my husband when anything like this happens.As iam very much hurt by my husbands reaction to his parents wrong doing or saying shouldnt he atleast tell them in apolite manner that this is wrong ifeel he has not concern for the hurt his parents cause me.6.Could you tell me whose right is it to ask any material gifts from my parents or any dowry is it my right my husbands right or my husbands mothers?7.Could you please tell how should my husband deal with such problems as i understand his parents should be treated with kindness and respect.What should my husband do if there are problems between his parents and wife they dont agree on issues and he is the one who has to solve the problem what if his parents are wrong and what if his wife is wrong.What should he do to solve the differences in a better way and leave his parents and wife feel left out or let down? iam sorry to make my question long but would appreciate your detail answers with proofs from the quran and hadith as not having the knowledge about the islamic teachings in the above matters is causing a rift in our otherwise peaceful marital life alhamdulliah.may allah reward you with the best of rewards and also if possible could 2 or3 ormore scholars put in their view on this issues.jazakallahu khairan

As-salamu `alaykum.Some non-muslims criticize Islam  and Islamic Law in slavery (in history) as:1) According to Imams a female slave could be separated from his child while it is 7 years old . (They say the child should  be kept until he/she was 18) 2) Even according to Imam-? Malik the child could be separated while it cuts a tooth. (They say this is too early. The child should  be kept until he/she was 18) 3) The situation for the slave father was even bad. He could be separated from his child while it is under 7 year age. (They say also the slave father and his child should be kept until the child was 18) 4) The Prophet Muhammed (S.A.V.) could say that the child should be separated  in year 18 from his mother  and father. This could be a hadith and solve the problem in Islam in the history and very easily, in just one sentence. But this did not happen.So in general, they criticize Islamic perspective to  Slavery by separation of child from his parents. They say that  the slave child should be kept together with its parents (no matter mother or father, both) until 18 years old. The separation of slave child from its slave mother or slave father in such a small age (7 year, even 6 months according to Imam-? Malik) in Islam had made the child and the parents very very unhappy for many centuries. This separation process is a violation of human rights.As a muslim I know that Islam gave many many rights to slaves. We learn this from Qur?an and from Hadiths. But I?m really confused about non-muslims critics about separation of slave child from its parents in Islamic Law mentioned above. I have two sweet girls, one 4 months and one 7 years old.  For me it would be really unacceptable to separate from them in such a small age (7 years  or before) if I were a slaveI would be pleased if yould clearify me by considering and answering the 4 items mentioned above and non-muslims critics.Thanks a lot. May Allah be with us.     

Assalamu alaykum,esteemed scholars,I have been a muslim for 4 years alhamdullillah and my question is regarding my parents who passed away as Christians. I would like to know whether there is any chance that Allah SWT saved them from the hellfire. I have asked this question several times and tend to get the same answer: yes, they are in hell because they did not accept islam when they were still alive. I have reverted to islam 15 years after my mum passed away and 2 years after my dad passed away so I did not have a chance to try and bring them to accept islam. I must say I do not dare to pray for them as they are not muslims and this is a big suffering for me because I wish I could do something for them.Thank you for your help.Shukran jazilan and walaykoum assalam

What is a good rule of thumb for how often children should be allowed sweets? If it were up to my kids, they'd eat them for breakfast; if it were up to me, they wouldn't have any at all. We need to find a compromise.

My love and i are deep in love  with each other for two years . we have promised to love respect and care for each other  as life moves on . we have good understanding and faith in Allah . But our Families seems to hamper .His family cannot accept me because i am a divorcee and his family circumstances dont match with mine at all .  Both families are pushing us to get married to someone else . But neither i nor he thinks its right . Its hampering our relationships .When there is love material things like status money and social pressures are unwanted issues . we are very happy together and loosing again the man i love will destroy me totally.Please response.

My question has to do with family problems, especially those between my parents. They are always fighting and arguing and being abusive towards things and one another. There are a total of six siblings. I am nineteen years old and I have a younger sister and brother who have to witness this kind of behavior from my parents very often. I feel hopeless and frustrated because there is nothing or very little I can do to about it. I ask Allah to help me cope. Things are just not working out. They have been this way pretty much ever since I was a kid myself and now watching my younger siblings go through the same just eats me up.

Dear scholars, As-Salamu `alaykum. Is it true that in order to be eligible for Jihad (fighting in the Cause of Allah), one has to seek the permission of one’s parents, although thousands of Muslims are being killed?

Assalamwaalekum,I would like to know if i am having fast for my father and mother for there happiness and so i can not tell them that i m having fast for them as they will feel to have fast for me and also i dont want to show that how much i love them but i can only have fast for them,so when they ask me about lunch then i have to tell lie then in this cade is this is wrong .I worship my parents as god and i think i have done something wrong which has hurt them so what more can i do coz i can not say sorry now as they cant do anything regarding that and they may feel sorry for me i dont want them to hurt them more is any dua is there to ask for happiness for my parents.

Salaam. What is the shariah law on daughters earning money whilst in their parents home? (i.e not married). Does the hadeeth 'Anta wa maalika li abeek' mean one should submit all earnings to their father regardless of the fact that the father is wealthy and is not in need of more money? Or does it mean if parents are in need they are entitled to your money? My father is religious and has money al-hamdulillah. When I started to work and earn money, our relationship changed and he became very bitter with me, his reasoning is that all our money should be put together 'united' even though his money is his and my mother has no role or say in my fathers finances. My parents have had problems for as long as I can rememebr, however the emphasis now seems to be on the money. He makes dua's on us to not have tawfeeq/baraka/health/marriage because he feels we have betrayed him by standing by our mother and speaking up, in addition to not handing over our earnings every month. Please clarify Jazzakum Allahu Khayr

Dear scholars, As-Salaam `Alaykum. I would like to know, after marriage, should one obey one's husband in opposition to the father, or vice versa? That is, if my husband wants me to do something different from what my father/mother want, should I obey him or my parents? Jazakum Allah khayran.

I am female and my parents treat me different from my brothers. I think they are too strict, but they tell me that they just love me. Is this fair?

Dear scholars, as-Salamu `alaykum. The question I have is related to the degree to which I must obey my mother. Her requirements of my time, money and effort become very strange and unreasonable. Sometimes she asks me to do things for her that will in effect harm her. For example, my wife and I do not go to Indian concerts because of the abominable activities that go on there such as drinking a lcohol, bad language, dance and music. My mother wants me to take her there.I politely refused mentioning that it is not allowed in Islam, and especially since this event is for teenagers. I am not in my teens. Secondly, the event is late at night 9 p.m.- 12 midnight in a downtown where I do not dare venture.For more serious examples, she enjoys going to functions where there is bid`ah (innovation) and expects my wife or me to drive her there. I do not believe in the activities that go on at such places and have made my opinions clear about not to go to such places. However, she cites the hadith concerning obeying the parents and my wife or I take them grudgingly. I drop them and pick them up but do not enter.What shall I do? How can I educate someone like this? Am I committing a sin by not taking them to a concert? Jazakum Allah khayran.

Dear scholars, As-Salamu `alaykum. My mother died a year ago. Is there anything I should do in terms of kindness towards my mother after her death? Jazakum Allah khayran.

Respected scholars, as-salamu `alaykum. At what age should children start fasting during Ramadan, according to the Shari`ah? Jazakum Allahu Khayran

Can my daughter study in a Christian school because there is no any Islamic school near my home? Is there any problem in that? Thanks.

My father passed away three years ago leaving a heavy debt. When I became in charge there was no liquid money to distribute among those whom my father was indebted to. Hence, I decided to sell my father’s property, which consisted of agricultural lands, yet I have failed to sell any of them.The question is, should I pay the debt from my own income, provided that my father had another wife and children? What should I do? Should I wait till any of the property is sold? I would like to point out that I vowed to pay my father’s debt so as to relieve him from the punishment as I was told. In addition, people know that the debt will be paid once land is sold. Please set my mind at ease by sending an answer.

Assalamoalikum! First of all please ask a female scholar to comment on this as she will be able to understand the psychology of a woman too.Background: Since my childhood I have always seen my parents arguing fighting, beating up and domestic violence and stuff. We kids especially me being the elder one was beaten up by my parents in a way un explainable. And, I carry all that with me all the time. I mean Islam says the opposite about beating wives and kids, and both thigns were at max in my home. I never understood the reasons then and even now I don't understand why on earth? Some wisemen told me on my way to stay away from husband and wife disputes and be neutral, so I did try to follow.Then I came ot Eu for education and was not a practicing muslim not caring much about religion, also married on the course to a white lady (Christian) for settlement (sorry to write this) at the start but thgins started changing, around 2000, I started reading Quran alhamdolillah and digested it , alhamdolillah Allah changed my heart and I took a turn of 180 degrees. Hang on, the important thing here is that when I told my parents about this marriage, they cut off with me, my relation with siblings was spoiled and they never accepted the white lady with out even knowing her. My mother was th worse, she said I am not going to talk to you until you divorce this lady. I was in to islam, ididnt care much about all this and did what was islamicaly right then. I never divorced that lady, and kept on presenting the true spiritual islam, though it never worked and I had to divorce her ultimately. Know my mom was the happiest woman on earth and she started talking to me after more than a year (from the time she heard about my marriage to the time I divorced the white lady).Ok now I asked my parents to find a religious partner for me as I did nto want to go through all those hindu tra ditions back home (in Pakistan), they took a long time as they did nto understand that I really am looing for a religious woman and I want a simple marriage. Alhamdolillah, we succeeded and me and my future wife did istikhara and we are married now over a year alhamdolilllah. I am really blessed to have the most beautifull and a religious life partner with a sound character, exactly how Holy Prophet asks. And you know istikhara cant be wrong. ALhamdolillah we are more than happy and satisfied.Problems:Since my current marriage, my mother has made a fuss out of every single thing in my home, I was home with my wife for 2 months and 20 days, believe me that my mother made it the worse time of my marriage, I know my Islamic rights, I have read alhamdolillah all the info on parents right and vice versa from islam online and alhamdolillah I am a muslim 24 hours, but people are not back home. You know brother/sister, the family I have found is a pious one, no complains. BUT  I don?t know why my mother again has made a total mess, she hates my inlaws and my wife. She doesn?t accept her from day 1. she shouts a lot, and even on hpone till today, she doesn?t speak to me or my wife, she uses abusinve language, the language that I cant not write. I don?t understand the psychology of my mother? Whats worng with her? Whole year we work hard here in EU and go home for a break and then we have to take all this, what for? How am I suppose to behave? I don?t feel like even calling home as I have to listen the abusive language that I don?t want to. Brotehr believe me its easy said then done. And since 2000 due to mostly my mom I have spoiled my relationship with other siblings, she is famous for shouting in the whole family, even my father and the neighbours know this. Now I rea lize how my father has tolerated her, whenever they argue, she says, give me a divorce? What is this? Is this the kind of mother holy prophet says that the heaven is under the feet? Please advise and comment how should me and my wife behave so that we don?t get caught on the day of judgment as thw Quran and Hadeeth are strict about parents rights.What is the cure of a person who only thinks negative, I still love my mother (allah knows) BUT I hate the way she thinks and acts.Knowing all this If I just don?t contact my home for lets say few months, will it be ok. I am really fed up know, as I cant take it now and I might start dis respecting my parents in this course if it continues like this on phone. I think I leave them and give them time to think that I am not 6 motnhs old and I am married, am a professional doctor and am 37 and they need to learn to respect me and my wife. I asked this question earlier but did not get an answer. Jazakumullaho kahirun,Abdullah

Dear scholars, As-Salamu `alaykum. My wife conceived recently but had a miscarriage in the 6th week. It was her first pregnancy and we are praying to Allah for a better child. Is there any specific `ibadah (act of worship) that we can do for having a child soon? Will we be able to meet the child we lost by miscarriage in the Hereafter? Jazakum Allah khayran.

As-Salamu `Alaykum. I am a convert to Islam and my parents are still Christians. Is it wrong for me to implore Allah Almighty on their behalf? They are still my parents and I love them very much. Jazakum Allahu Khayran for your cooperation.