Children's rights

Kindness to Parents

Assalamoalikum! First of all please ask a female scholar to comment on this as she will be able to understand the psychology of a woman too.Background: Since my childhood I have always seen my parents arguing fighting, beating up and domestic violence and stuff. We kids especially me being the elder one was beaten up by my parents in a way un explainable. And, I carry all that with me all the time. I mean Islam says the opposite about beating wives and kids, and both thigns were at max in my home. I never understood the reasons then and even now I don't understand why on earth? Some wisemen told me on my way to stay away from husband and wife disputes and be neutral, so I did try to follow.Then I came ot Eu for education and was not a practicing muslim not caring much about religion, also married on the course to a white lady (Christian) for settlement (sorry to write this) at the start but thgins started changing, around 2000, I started reading Quran alhamdolillah and digested it , alhamdolillah Allah changed my heart and I took a turn of 180 degrees. Hang on, the important thing here is that when I told my parents about this marriage, they cut off with me, my relation with siblings was spoiled and they never accepted the white lady with out even knowing her. My mother was th worse, she said I am not going to talk to you until you divorce this lady. I was in to islam, ididnt care much about all this and did what was islamicaly right then. I never divorced that lady, and kept on presenting the true spiritual islam, though it never worked and I had to divorce her ultimately. Know my mom was the happiest woman on earth and she started talking to me after more than a year (from the time she heard about my marriage to the time I divorced the white lady).Ok now I asked my parents to find a religious partner for me as I did nto want to go through all those hindu tra ditions back home (in Pakistan), they took a long time as they did nto understand that I really am looing for a religious woman and I want a simple marriage. Alhamdolillah, we succeeded and me and my future wife did istikhara and we are married now over a year alhamdolilllah. I am really blessed to have the most beautifull and a religious life partner with a sound character, exactly how Holy Prophet asks. And you know istikhara cant be wrong. ALhamdolillah we are more than happy and satisfied.Problems:Since my current marriage, my mother has made a fuss out of every single thing in my home, I was home with my wife for 2 months and 20 days, believe me that my mother made it the worse time of my marriage, I know my Islamic rights, I have read alhamdolillah all the info on parents right and vice versa from islam online and alhamdolillah I am a muslim 24 hours, but people are not back home. You know brother/sister, the family I have found is a pious one, no complains. BUT  I don?t know why my mother again has made a total mess, she hates my inlaws and my wife. She doesn?t accept her from day 1. she shouts a lot, and even on hpone till today, she doesn?t speak to me or my wife, she uses abusinve language, the language that I cant not write. I don?t understand the psychology of my mother? Whats worng with her? Whole year we work hard here in EU and go home for a break and then we have to take all this, what for? How am I suppose to behave? I don?t feel like even calling home as I have to listen the abusive language that I don?t want to. Brotehr believe me its easy said then done. And since 2000 due to mostly my mom I have spoiled my relationship with other siblings, she is famous for shouting in the whole family, even my father and the neighbours know this. Now I rea lize how my father has tolerated her, whenever they argue, she says, give me a divorce? What is this? Is this the kind of mother holy prophet says that the heaven is under the feet? Please advise and comment how should me and my wife behave so that we don?t get caught on the day of judgment as thw Quran and Hadeeth are strict about parents rights.What is the cure of a person who only thinks negative, I still love my mother (allah knows) BUT I hate the way she thinks and acts.Knowing all this If I just don?t contact my home for lets say few months, will it be ok. I am really fed up know, as I cant take it now and I might start dis respecting my parents in this course if it continues like this on phone. I think I leave them and give them time to think that I am not 6 motnhs old and I am married, am a professional doctor and am 37 and they need to learn to respect me and my wife. I asked this question earlier but did not get an answer. Jazakumullaho kahirun,Abdullah

My Parents Are Frustrating Me!

Salam... I have a question that I am sure affects many young people living in the UK with one or both parents from Pakistan. I am 22 years old, and I am not married yet; and so I am living at home with my parents. I have been brought up in a very close knit extended family. I have two issues with whom I have been struggling with for a while. The first issue is regarding my father. My relationship with my father is not very good, it hasn't been for a long time now. At one point, I was just so upset that I decided I didn't want to let him hurt me anymore, and so I should just stop caring about him. Even though I don't like the type of person my father is, I could never hate him. After all he is my father, and so if he ever needed anything from me or when he gets older I would always be the dutiful daughter. Right now I don't talk to my father even though we live in the same house, and I never ask him for anything. This situation doesn't seem to bother him either. He will ask my mum or brothers to tell me things instead of directly talking to me.  This does not bother me as I really don't want to talk to him. I have a very good relationship with the rest of my family. My second issue is about marriage. I really feel I would like to get married soon, however I don't know how to talk to my parents about this. As I said previously, I have been brought up in a close family that are quite strict, so I have never had any boyfriends etc. I have always known that I will have an arranged marriage. However, everyone in my family has so far been married to someone from Pakistan (a relation) and my parents expect me to do the same. This makes me uncomfortable because I do not want to marry someone from there due to cultural differences and so on. I would like to marry someone from the U.K., where I have been born, brought up and educated. I want to meet someone who is like minded, and understands all of the rights that Islam gives a woman. I have never ever discussed marriage with my parents before (its a bit of a taboo subject in my house) so I dont know how I would ever tell them this. It really does scare me that they won't agree with me. It would be difficult for them to find someone from here also, and because in my career I meet very few Muslims, there is no-one that I could suggest. I pray every night to Allah, that he may guide me and help me but I wonder if there are other prayers I can read? Your thoughts on my problems would be much appreciated. This is an excellent service and many of the answers provided on this site have been useful to me in the past. I hope that you can answer my questions. Jazaka-Allah khayrun....