Respected Scholar, Assalam aleykumtwo of my uncles and their wives are neighbours since many years (both have rented houses) and often have arguments regarding petty issues. But recently one of my aunt verbally abused the other aunt very badly and unfortunately her husband has completely ignored her fault and instead he's supporting her. My father is the eldest brother and most of the times he resolves the disputes among brothers and sisters. This time too, my uncle and aunt approached him to settle the dispute and asked for an apology from the other uncle and aunt for their extremely bad behaviour. My father tried to reconcile the matter and advised (with all his other brothers and sisters approval and support) his brother whose wife abused the other aunt to leave the neighbourhood and rent another house but his brother doesn't recognize his authority over him and refused to obey him. My father, failing to see any solution for the problem between his brothers, for the sake of making his brother accept his proposal, advised all other brothers and sisters of his to boycott him till he shifts his house. Now all have stopped going to his place (they didn't sever the ties, they just avoided going to his house). Now my uncle is accusing my father that he broke him off f rom all his brothers and sisters (even though all his other brothers and sisters were participants in making this decision) and accusing him that he's doing khata rahmi. Indeed my father invited them once in his son's engagement ceremony and though they attended it, they misbehaved in front of the guests and didn't have food in the ceremony. After a while, again there was a ceremony and my parents were afraid that if they invite them, they might misbehave again, so my father called him beforehand and tried to explain him not to misbehave again, but my uncle took it negatively and again accused him saying that actually he didn't want to invite them with this excuse. Now the situation went out of my father's hands, all brothers and sisters are innocent in my uncle's eyes, except my father, as he authorized the decision of boycotting him. And after this incident, my uncle has completely severed the ties with my father and they aren't communicating anymore. I'm not sure if my father is at fault of breaking the ties as he authorized the decision to boycott him. I can't understand, Islamically, who's at fault. If my father is at fault then what would you suggest him to do? And how can i suggest it to him without appearing disrespectful? Kindly help.I apologize for such a long question.thank you.
Assalamoalikum! First of all please ask a female scholar to comment on this as she will be able to understand the psychology of a woman too.Background: Since my childhood I have always seen my parents arguing fighting, beating up and domestic violence and stuff. We kids especially me being the elder one was beaten up by my parents in a way un explainable. And, I carry all that with me all the time. I mean Islam says the opposite about beating wives and kids, and both thigns were at max in my home. I never understood the reasons then and even now I don't understand why on earth? Some wisemen told me on my way to stay away from husband and wife disputes and be neutral, so I did try to follow.Then I came ot Eu for education and was not a practicing muslim not caring much about religion, also married on the course to a white lady (Christian) for settlement (sorry to write this) at the start but thgins started changing, around 2000, I started reading Quran alhamdolillah and digested it , alhamdolillah Allah changed my heart and I took a turn of 180 degrees. Hang on, the important thing here is that when I told my parents about this marriage, they cut off with me, my relation with siblings was spoiled and they never accepted the white lady with out even knowing her. My mother was th worse, she said I am not going to talk to you until you divorce this lady. I was in to islam, ididnt care much about all this and did what was islamicaly right then. I never divorced that lady, and kept on presenting the true spiritual islam, though it never worked and I had to divorce her ultimately. Know my mom was the happiest woman on earth and she started talking to me after more than a year (from the time she heard about my marriage to the time I divorced the white lady).Ok now I asked my parents to find a religious partner for me as I did nto want to go through all those hindu tra ditions back home (in Pakistan), they took a long time as they did nto understand that I really am looing for a religious woman and I want a simple marriage. Alhamdolillah, we succeeded and me and my future wife did istikhara and we are married now over a year alhamdolilllah. I am really blessed to have the most beautifull and a religious life partner with a sound character, exactly how Holy Prophet asks. And you know istikhara cant be wrong. ALhamdolillah we are more than happy and satisfied.Problems:Since my current marriage, my mother has made a fuss out of every single thing in my home, I was home with my wife for 2 months and 20 days, believe me that my mother made it the worse time of my marriage, I know my Islamic rights, I have read alhamdolillah all the info on parents right and vice versa from islam online and alhamdolillah I am a muslim 24 hours, but people are not back home. You know brother/sister, the family I have found is a pious one, no complains. BUT I don?t know why my mother again has made a total mess, she hates my inlaws and my wife. She doesn?t accept her from day 1. she shouts a lot, and even on hpone till today, she doesn?t speak to me or my wife, she uses abusinve language, the language that I cant not write. I don?t understand the psychology of my mother? Whats worng with her? Whole year we work hard here in EU and go home for a break and then we have to take all this, what for? How am I suppose to behave? I don?t feel like even calling home as I have to listen the abusive language that I don?t want to. Brotehr believe me its easy said then done. And since 2000 due to mostly my mom I have spoiled my relationship with other siblings, she is famous for shouting in the whole family, even my father and the neighbours know this. Now I rea lize how my father has tolerated her, whenever they argue, she says, give me a divorce? What is this? Is this the kind of mother holy prophet says that the heaven is under the feet? Please advise and comment how should me and my wife behave so that we don?t get caught on the day of judgment as thw Quran and Hadeeth are strict about parents rights.What is the cure of a person who only thinks negative, I still love my mother (allah knows) BUT I hate the way she thinks and acts.Knowing all this If I just don?t contact my home for lets say few months, will it be ok. I am really fed up know, as I cant take it now and I might start dis respecting my parents in this course if it continues like this on phone. I think I leave them and give them time to think that I am not 6 motnhs old and I am married, am a professional doctor and am 37 and they need to learn to respect me and my wife. I asked this question earlier but did not get an answer. Jazakumullaho kahirun,Abdullah
Salam... I am a muslim woman, and I'm getting married to a non-Muslim man because I am pregnant. He does not want to revert to Islam because he does not belive in it, but he has promised me I can bring my children up as Muslims and he will encourge them to do so . I know I have made a mistake. what can I do because my family wont agree with it, and I don't want to have an abortion.
My 6 year old son is very attached to me (being his mother). He tells me often that he loves me, he hugs me a lot, and when he's tired he wants to lie next to me until he falls asleep. I am grateful of course for this – al hamdu Lillah - but I'm worried that maybe he's too attached to me, and if I should try to put an end to this. He doesn't want to sleep in his own room and thus sleeps in my bed (my husband falls asleep in front of the TV and sleeps on the sofa all night). He [my son] says that there are monsters in his room, and I don't want to force him to sleep there. We haven't lived in this place for long, we moved here a couple of months ago, and in our former apartment, which was much smaller, he didn't even have a room of his own. He's always been a careful person, a bit shy, and was clingy as a baby as well. So I've always thought that the best I could do is to give him lots of love and attention to boost his self-confidence - but I don't want him to became a "nerd" because he might be bullied at school. Also, when I was a child I was very clingy to my father and I loved him so much. When he passed away due to cancer when I was only 17 I was devastated, and I don't want this to happen to my son. I was bullied at school too... I'm also scared that he might become feminine (he's always been very boyish though). I just want him to grow into a strong and confident person! Another thing that worries me is that I feel very lonely. I have no friends and the relationship with my family and in-laws is not good. I often feel depressed which makes it even harder for me to be sociable. I'm afraid that my son may sense that I'm sad, and that he tries to comfort me. I don't want that, I want to be a perfect Mum to him! My husband is very fond of him too of course, but it's always been me who takes on most of the responsibility. I guess what I want to know is if my son is a normal 6-year old or am I parenting him in a wrong way? Maybe I should give it a little time and see if he becomes more independent!?