Some parents become overly cautious during their journey of parenting because they have been through an unpleasant experience, therefore, they try to help their children to avoid going through the same experience(s) even if there is no symptoms or indications to the possibility that their children are about to face what is such a hypothetical issue. This is one of the issues we need to avoid when we raise our children because they are not us, and we are not them.
Furthermore, it will probably prevent us from seeing some other actual problems that are facing our children. Or we may underestimate those other issues because we did not have hard times dealing with them when we were young. In both cases we are still using our own lenses in the upbringing of our children! It will be emphasized that we need to start learning more about the real world of our children and let their actual issue concern us.
As part of experience, parents do worry about what happened to them when their own beloved father passed away, and they try to protect their children from going through the same dilemma. Whereas they have established relationship with the children and the kids are even attached to them.
It would be wise for you as parents not to think of putting an end to such kind of beautiful relationship that you and your children are enjoying; however, you should add more ingredients to make it such a fruitful one. You should always, make sure they are independent, and able to survive in wilderness without ever compromising this attachment. As a matter of fact, this attachment will be a great asset you can utilize to secure that your children deal with the world with the confidence that you are there for them, and that you will never let them down.
Also, in situations where you just move house, and in the new house, your child now has a room to him/herself. Some children in this case, finding out that they have to sleep all by themselves, may have a lot of fears towards this new room. Rather than detaching ourselves from them, we can help them feel comfortable in the room till they get acquainted. You should spend time with them in his room, trying to get them used to it. If possible, sleep with them for couple of nights, and gradually start to explain to them that you will be sleeping your own room, the master bedroom. However, “Mom and Dad are always there for you, if you need anything, just call us and we will come right to you”.
Note that even when they do not feel secure in their room in the beginning – which is very likely to happen- do not let them come to join you in your bedroom. Make them feel secure in their own room by making yourself/yourselves accessible to them, and by doing things together in their room. Also note that having siblings help children to be more social, and to be attached to other parties in their lives, which is another thing you may want to consider.
Another misconception may occur in the journey of parenting when we intentionally or unintentionally communicate to our children some unreal messages in an attempt to seek perfection. We do this when we communicate to them that perfect moms/dads are so strong and they do not need to be comforted, or when we communicate to them that good people do not make mistakes.
Communicating such unreal messages will make our children very confused, and it will put them through unneeded mental/emotional conflicts. On one hand, they would like to meet their parents’ expectations, but on the other hand, they cannot because it is inapplicable. Consequently, instead of teaching them how to repent after doing the mistake, they end up feeling entrapped at the stage of blaming themselves after each mistake, and they do not know where to go from there.
In some cases, the child may try to avoid admitting their mistakes and they become argumentative just for the sake of being good, because we taught them that good people do not make mistakes.
Finally, I would like to emphasize the importance of Dads being very much involved in most of the details of the journey of parenting. In the end, insha Allah you will build a successful home and have adorable children.
May God bless you.