Islamic Ethics

A New Muslim: My Religion or My Parents?

Assalamou alaikoum dear scholars. I would like to ask your advice on which decision is the most appropriate according to Islam. I am a Canadian convert. I left my small hometown to live in Toronto after converting to Islam because it was to difficult for me to live in my small hometown where the muslim community is small and because things were difficult with my parents. Living in the metropolis has helped me a lot because I have access to lots of teaching, I made lots of friends convert and born-muslim, and I feel free to practice my religion. Now my parents are getting older and they are starting to need help and I feel guilty that I cannot always help them, so I wonder if I should go back to live in their small town. My non-muslim brother lives close to my parents, but he is not always reliable to help them. This decision brings me anxiety. Going back would allow me to help more my parents, but living in my hometown would bring me pain from memories of before Islam, would bring me pressure from my family who wish I would leave Islam and do not want people to know I converted, I am afraid I will compromise in my religion because of my parents' pressure (like I would not wear hijab), I would be more isolated without the muslim support I have in Toronto and it is not likely I will be able to get married because the muslim community is so small, and I am afraid I would become depressed. If I stay in Toronto, I can start looking to get married to have support and start a family, I have more support from the community, I can practice my religion more freely, I feel no anxiety. In summary, I am unsure what is better in the eyes of Allah: going back to help more my parents, or stay in Toronto and get married, secure my religion and visit my parents to help them once in a while. JazakAllah Kheiran.

Be Tolerant and Patient

As salaam alikum Brother, I am wife of a man who is depressed and in great pain due to humiliation by our own muslim brother. My husband work in a company which belongs to his friend since 30 years. Previously he was working in a school where he was treated in the same way for 8 long years and he left that job and came to work with his friend who offered him a place after great request. Now he too behaves in the same manner and worst that the people at school. He knows everything in detail how my husband faced for 8 years and inspite of being kind to him he humiliates,degrades,holds responsible for things he does nt do, makes fun of him front of others as if he is joking, he does all sorts of things on daily basis. Even though he know that my husband is more knowlegable than  his own brother and brother in law whom he is keeping as managers over him. They go and come as they like in the office but my husband is dealt very strictly with his time in office and the number of hours he works. He leave everyone in the office and hold my husband responsible for every short coming even if he knows very well that some other person is responsible for this.he does all this because he knows very well that we are helpless people and its very difficult to get any other job due to my husband's age which is 54. He even told once if you are not happy you can search another job even though he knows that our children are studying in college and how much we need this for him he is very well established, with lots of money, house comfort etc but illtreats my husband who is his friend for 30 years.the sad thing is both are arabs and we are living in an arab country, but i havent seen any of the other communities behaving with their own people in this way.there is not a single day where we are not hurt and depressed from this man's behaviour towards my husband. There are daily tears in my eyes from the pain he is giving us. My husband comes home most of the days of the week if not all, depressed, fedup does nt know what to do. He is suffering from high BP also. Sometimes my husband tells me that he feels as if the blood has stopped circulating in his veins from that person's words to him and insult. This puts me in great sorrow. We both have patient as its precribed in our beautiful religion but i am worried of my husband's health also as i know he is very much hurt from inside which has even effected his physical life as a man.  Having explained the situation i would like to know where this muslim friend of his with such a behaviour stand in front of ALMIGHTY ALLAH? what has the shariah got to say about such people and what should my husband and me do who are facing this each day in our lives. I know i may be asking you a meaning less question as i understand that such behavious is against the teachings of islam but you are a knowlegeable person so you may explain some better and more in depth for such situations. JAzak ALLAH KHAIR.

My Overly Affectionate Son

My 6 year old son is very attached to me (being his mother). He tells me often that he loves me, he hugs me a lot, and when he's tired he wants to lie next to me until he falls asleep. I am grateful of course for this – al hamdu Lillah - but I'm worried that maybe he's too attached to me, and if I should try to put an end to this. He doesn't want to sleep in his own room and thus sleeps in my bed (my husband falls asleep in front of the TV and sleeps on the sofa all night). He [my son] says that there are monsters in his room, and I don't want to force him to sleep there. We haven't lived in this place for long, we moved here a couple of months ago, and in our former apartment, which was much smaller, he didn't even have a room of his own. He's always been a careful person, a bit shy, and was clingy as a baby as well. So I've always thought that the best I could do is to give him lots of love and attention to boost his self-confidence - but I don't want him to became a "nerd" because he might be bullied at school. Also, when I was a child I was very clingy to my father and I loved him so much. When he passed away due to cancer when I was only 17 I was devastated, and I don't want this to happen to my son. I was bullied at school too... I'm also scared that he might become feminine (he's always been very boyish though). I just want him to grow into a strong and confident person! Another thing that worries me is that I feel very lonely. I have no friends and the relationship with my family and in-laws is not good. I often feel depressed which makes it even harder for me to be sociable. I'm afraid that my son may sense that I'm sad, and that he tries to comfort me. I don't want that, I want to be a perfect Mum to him! My husband is very fond of him too of course, but it's always been me who takes on most of the responsibility. I guess what I want to know is if my son is a normal 6-year old or am I parenting him in a wrong way? Maybe I should give it a little time and see if he becomes more independent!?