All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
We have to admit at first that honoring and obeying the parents have been enjoined by Allah in many places in His book, Allah (may He be exalted) said, “Worship Allaah and join none with Him (in worship); and do good to parents …” (An-Nisa’, 4:36)
Also, He said, “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.” (Al-Isra’ 17:23)
Obedience to parents is obligatory unless they ask for disobedience to Allah, in which case one should pay no attention to this unallowable request. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “There is no obedience if it involves disobedience towards Allah, rather obedience is only in matters that are right and proper.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
These are general basics that all of us should take notice of. On the other hand, the parents are committed, as well, to many duties towards their children. They have to support them financially, scientifically, socially, morally, etc. As being parents, this is a part of their responsibility.
It is simply mutual rights and duties.
However, it should be admitted that Islam does not accept injustice or partiality and that nobody is permitted to exceed the legal limits, whoever he is. Though a father is expected to take responsibility of the different life affair of his children, hence, he has to be up and doing.
However, if a father is not taking his responsibility serious and trying to cause harm in the lives of his children, our advice therefore is to separate between your relationship with your father, your spouse (if married) and family. If you have already gone through the bad impact of your father on your life while in his custody, do not permit him to destroy your life with your spouse. Be firm, strong, hard and patient about this.
The prominent Muslim scholar and da`iyahZeinabMostafa states:
It is important for you to look after your own household. You should take care of your spouse and try not to upset each other nor let anyone else do this. If you have already known the afore mentioned bad deed about your dad, so try not to destroy your marriage.
However, your dad still deserves your kindness, care and benevolence, but do so in a manner that you strike a balance. You should try to minimize his contact with you and your spouse. You should visit him from time to time, gift him from time to time and ask frequently about him.”
May Allah guide all to what pleases Him!