Before commenting on your question, we would like first to stress that the relations between the spouses should be based on tranquility, love and mercy. Allah says, (And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.) (Ar-Rum 30: 21)
Tranquility (sakan), love (mawaddah) and mercy (rahmah) are very important concepts in Islam. These three summarize the ideals of Islamic marriage. It is the duty of the husband and wife to see that they are a source of comfort and tranquility for each other. They should do everything physically, emotionally and spiritually to make each other feel happy and comfortable. They must care for each other and not inflict any harm or injury, either physical or verbal, on each other. In order to increase the tranquility and comfort in their relations and in their home, they should love each other and should have mercy and kindness for each other.
Having stated the above, we would like further to state that the verse referred to in the question neither permits violence against women nor condones it. The word “beating” or “hitting” is used in the verse, but it does not mean “physical abuse”. The Prophet explained it by “dharban ghayra mubarrih” which means “a light tap that leaves no mark”. He further said that face must be avoided. Some other scholars are of the view that it is no more than a light touch by a siwak, or toothbrush.
To confirm the above concept, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said, “How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then embrace (sleep with) her?” ( Reported by Al-Bukhari)
In another hadith, he is also reported to have said, “Do not beat the female servants of Allah.”
Dr. Sano Koutoub Moustapha, professor of jurisprudence and its principles at the International Islamic University, Malaysia, states the following: Surely Islam stands for excellent relations between husbands and wives. Islam also calls upon husbands to treat their wives in a good and humane manner. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) calls upon husbands to be nice, kind, and friendly to their wives. He declared in one of his hadiths that the best among you are those who are kind and nice to their wives.
Furthermore, his last message was a call upon husbands to be kind and nice to their wives. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) himself was a wonderful, kind, tolerant, and nice husband. He never shouted at or hurt any of his wives, nor did he hit any of them despite the mistakes committed by some of them.
Having said all this, I shall make it clear that one should not understand the said verse of Surat An-Nisaa’ without relating it to other issues such as divorce and culture. In other words, hitting should not be a solution to the nushuz.
Moreover, the hitting was stated in the said verse as a last resort, meaning it is forbidden for a husband to begin the process by hitting, before counseling and abandoning her in bed. He has to exhaust all types of counseling and abandoning before resorting to hitting.
Surely, the Qur’an is not calling upon husbands to hit their spouses because of nushuz, but they have to find ways and means of correcting the nushuz.
It is unfortunate that many husbands start the correction of nushuz by hitting rather than counseling or abandoning the wife in bed.
All in all, hitting is not an obligation, nor it is recommended, and it was never the practice of the Prophet but it might be a solution for some cases of nushuz.
Women must be respected and loved as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) declared about the treatment of women, “Only the good and nice people respect them and only the low and the bad people humiliate them.”
All in all, the violation either in hitting or shouting is not an Islamic way of solving marital problems, but mutual respect and peaceful means and tools should be upheld and respected at all times.