Indeed, having sexual intercourse with one’s wife before the wedding ceremony is not prohibited but it goes against custom, and if one did it one should shoulder all the marital responsibilities. However, spouses are generally advised to keep patient considering the parents’ concerns until the wedding ceremony is publicly announced and then they can consummate the marriage.
The prominent Muslim scholar, Sheikh Muhammad Iqbal Nadvi, Imam of Calgary Mosque, Alberta, Canada, and Former Professor at King Saud University, Riyad, Saudi Arabia, states: “This is a common problem in many Muslim countries due to their lack of Islamic knowledge. First of all, the question is wrong, because your wife cannot be called fiancée after concluding the contract of marriage; she is your wife according to the Shari`ah and you are entitled to all rights of the husband. However, some people have misunderstood this fact and based their rulings on `urf. It is clear that when people do the marriage ceremony, they don’t do another contract, so they base it according to a prior nikah.
So, my opinion regarding this issue is as follows:
1. It is the right of the husband and wife in this period (after concluding the marriage contract) to be alone with each other.
2. There is no harm in following this custom, as it does not contradict a basic ruling of the Shari`ah, but while following it people should not argue about contravening it.
3. If someone holds sexual intercourse in this period, it is not considered a sin, but he has to admit he has consummated his marriage in order to secure the rights of his wife.”
Dr. `Abdul-Fattah `Ashoor, professor of the Exegesis of the Qur’an at Al-Azhar University, states the following: “According to the `urf (custom) in a religious society, one who concludes his marriage contract should not embark on making love to his wife until he consummates the marriage and publicly announces it. It is definitely a reprehensible act to do what contravenes this social norm. Religion, in fact, comes in harmony with custom as long as the latter is not at loggerheads with the established rules of Shari`ah.
However, viewing this case in Shari`ah perspective, we have to stress that if one, after concluding a marriage contract, and before making it public through wedding ceremony, makes love to his wife, he is not sinful according to Shari`ah. Yet, in this case, he will be obliged to shoulder all the marital responsibilities incurred by such practice.”
Having stated the above, we’d like to state that some parents are afraid of some situations which may cause embarrassment. For example, if during this period a certain problem arises and causes the break up of the marriage, then their daughter may no longer be a virgin, or she may become pregnant while the marriage is not yet consummated.
Elaborating on these concerns of the parents, we’d like to cite for you the fatwa issued in this regard by Sheikh M. S. Al-Munajjid, a prominent Saudi Muslim lecturer and author. He states:
“If a man has completed the marriage contract with a woman according to Islamic law, everything is permissible for him, he may look at her, be alone with her, enjoy physical contact with her, and so on, but his wife is not obliged to obey him and he is not obliged to spend on her until she submits herself to him, which according to the customs of most people nowadays happens after the wedding ceremony.
Some mothers and fathers do not like their daughter to be alone with her husband during the period after contracting the marriage but before wedding because they are afraid of some problem arising that may cause the break up of the marriage, and their daughter may then no longer be a virgin, or she may become pregnant, and if the wedding is delayed her pregnancy will be obvious to people, or other situations which may cause embarrassment to the parents.
Parents may have concerns of which their children may not be aware, and which a daughter may not see as important because she is so excited and happy about her new husband. Although it is permissible for the couple to enjoy physical contact after the marriage is completed – even before the wedding – they should respect their parents’ wishes and pay attention to their concerns. The husband should also understand their concerns and should remain content with family visits until things settle down, i.e., after the wedding. We ask Allah to hasten for you the good things that you want.”