First of all, it should be clear that when the wife is menstruating, spouses are allowed to enjoy companionship including intimate relations so long as they stay away from sexual intercourse. Therefore, all forms of legitimate sexual satisfactions other than intercourse are considered permissible. Elaborating on this, you are advised to read:Level of Intimacy with a Menstruating Wife
As for masturbation between husband and wife, we would like to state that it is permissible as there is no clear Qur’anic text that prohibits doing so. Some Muslim scholars state that although such form of sexual gratification is permissible, it is not the normal course a committed Muslim and Muslimah resort to.
Here, we would like to cite for you the following:
“Masturbation between the man and his wife (the wife masturbates her husband and vice versa) is not
Haram, rather, it is permissible, because it is a part of the enjoyment which Allah has allowed. Allah Almighty says: “Those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts). Except from their wives or (the captives and slaves) that their right hands possess, – for them, they are free from blame.” (Al-Mu’minun: 5-6)
For more elaboration on the aforementioned point, the Kuwaiti Fiqh Encyclopedia adds: “The majority of Muslim scholars are of the opinion that the husband is permitted to have masturbation with the hands of his wife unless there is a legal prohibition with regard to her rights to intercourse. Some Hanafi and Shafi`i jurists argue that such an act is reprehensible (Makruh).”
Also, the wife can masturbate her husband during her menstruation as what applies for her in regular cases do apply in case of her menstruation.
The woman who masturbates the husband should perform ablution irrespective of whether sperm did not come over her or not as touching the genitals requires ablution. However, a woman should perform Ghusl in case there is sexual ejaculation. Also, both the husband and wife can satisfy their sexual urge in the way they deem fit as long as they avoid doing something that is Haram such as anal sex or sexual intercourse during menstruation or post-childbirth bleeding.