How to Marry Islamically?
Generally speaking, the guidance of the Prophet (peace be upon him) with regard to marriage is to make it easy, announce it and proclaim it openly; to express joy and happiness on this occasion and to make a wedding feast (walimah) and invite people to it. Also, He (peace be upon him) enjoined treating the wife with kindness.
This question will be responded to in the following manner:
First: The Intention
Both man and woman should hold the intention of pleasing Allah at first and to have chastity and bring up a Muslim family.
Second: Choosing a wife
A Muslim man should search for a woman who practices Islam, follows its guidance, and translate its teachings in her life. He should seek Allah’s help and invoke Him earnestly for a righteous spouse that enables him lead an Islamic life.
If he decides to propose to a particular woman, then he may go to her guardian, or her father or brother or even delegate someone else to propose marriage on his behalf. However, prevalent customs should be followed, for example, in some countries it is regarded as improper for the suitor to go on his own, so attention should be paid to that.
The Shari`ah states that the suitor should see the woman whom he wants to marry, according to the Hadith narrated by al-Tirmidhi, al-Nasa’I and Ibn Maajah from al-Mughirah ibn Shu`bah (may Allah be pleased with him), who proposed to a woman and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Go and look at her, for that is more likely to create love between you,”
Fourth: Affordable dowry (mahr)
Al-Baihaqi narrated that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “The best of dowries is that which is most affordable.” This Hadith was narrated by Abu Dawud with the wording: “The best of marriages is that which is most affordable.”
Fifth: Announcing the marriage
Al-Nasa’i narrated that Muhammad ibn Hatib (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “What separates halal from haram is the duff (tambourine) and singing at the wedding.”
Sixth: The wedding feast (walimah)
This is a confirmed Sunnah at weddings and it is part of announcing the marriage and of expressing joy and happiness on this occasion.
It was narrated from Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said to ‘Abd al-Rahman ibn ‘Awf when he got married: “Give a feast even if it is with just one sheep.” Agreed upon.
Seventh: The Congratulation
It is recommendable to congratulate the husband as the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) congratulated people. It was narrated from Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) that when a man got married he would congratulate him and pray for him, saying: “May Allah bless you and bring blessings upon you and bring you together in goodness.” Narrated by Abu Dawud
It is desirable for the husband to do several things when he enters upon his wife, including the following:
– Being kind and gentle to his wife when consummating the marriage with her.
– Putting his hand on his wife’s head for the prophetic supplication
The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “ When one of you marries a woman, let him take hold of her forelock and say: O Allah, I ask You for the goodness within her and the goodness that You have made her inclined towards, and I take refuge with You from the evil within her and the evil that You have made her inclined towards.”
– Some of the salaf regarded it as religiously desirable for the newly married couple to pray two rak’ahs together.
– He should say when he has intercourse with his wife,
“Bismillahi Allahumma jannibna al-Shaytan wa jannib al-Shaytan ma razaqtana” (In the name of Allah, O Allah, protect us from Shaitan (Satan) and protect whatever You give to us from Shaytan)
we affirm the importance of kind treatment of the wife and fearing Allah with regard to her, and that she should fear Allah with regard to him (the husband).
Allah says in the Qur’an,
“But consort with them in kindness, for if you hate them it may happen that you hate a thing wherein Allah hath placed much good.” (Al-Nisa’,19)
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “If a woman offers her five daily prayers, fasts her month (Ramadan), guards her chastity and obeys her husband, it will be said to her: Enter Paradise from whichever of the Gates of Paradise you wish.”