The shari`ah enjoins that both husband and wife are commanded to move on during their live with mutual kindness. Allah orders men to treat their wives graciously. He (exalted be He) said, ( And live with them in kindness.) (An-Nisa’, 4:19)
For more elaboration, sheikh Muhammad Salih Al-Munajjid, a prominent Muslim scholar, states;
Islam has enjoined upon the husband duties towards his wife, and vice versa, and among these duties are some which are shared by both husband and wife.
Out of these duties is kind treatment. The husband must have a good attitude towards his wife and be kind to her, and offer her everything that may soften her heart towards him, because Allah says, (And live with them honourably.)(An-Nisa’ 4:19)
(And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them in kindness, and men are a degree above them. Allah is Mighty, Wise.)(Al-Baqarah 2:228)
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: ‘Be kind to women.’”(Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
Allah has made the man a qawwam (protector and maintainer) of the woman by commanding, directing and taking care of her, just as guardians take care of their charges, by virtue of the physical and mental faculties that Allah has given only to men and the financial obligations that He has enjoined upon them. Allah says,
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means.” (An-Nisa’ 4:34]
‘Ali ibn Abi Talhah said, narrating from Ibn ‘Abbas: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women” means, they are in charge of them, i.e., she should obey him in matters of obedience that Allah has enjoined upon her, and obey him by treating his family well and taking care of his wealth. This was the view of Muqatil, al-Saddi and al-Dahhak. (Tafsir Ibn Kathir)”
Hence, mutual respect and veneration is a must, along with obedience on part of the wife.
Anyway,
we notice that there still many doors you did not knock at, such as speaking to your wife’s parents, her sincere friends and relatives whom you know to have an effect on her. You may ask them to speak to her and advise her. We acknowledge such considerable patience you have shown, and with which we still advise you. Undoubtedly, marital disputes are common and there is no family without differences in opinions or never experiences discord among its members. This is because people have different attitudes, characters, etc.
Our advice to both of you is to consider your marital life as a whole, looking at positive sides to improve and the negative aspects to evade. Now it is not the time to speak about the way you have chosen your wife, because the reality is that she is now your wife and the mother of your children. We have to set matters right.
Keep advising her, ask her parents and friends to advise her, supplicate Allah to amend your life, look at shortcomings that you may not observe in yourself and try to set them right, keep to the right of opinions, may Allah make you successful in your life!
It is your duty to raise your kids on the teachings and ethics of Islam and prepare them to be good Muslims. So, you need to take care of this and approach your wife kindly and wisely to carry out this duty together to the best of your capabilities.