Some marriages begin not out of mutual desire, but due to parental pressure. When a person accepts such a union as fate, hoping love will grow, but instead finds resentment and a lack of attraction, the situation becomes spiritually and emotionally precarious.
This unhappiness can sometimes lead to severe transgressions, such as refusing intimacy for long periods or, more tragically, seeking fulfillment in extra-marital affairs. A person in this position often faces a painful dilemma: remain in a miserable or loveless union to please family, or seek a divorce and risk being disowned.
Parental Pressure and Marital Responsibility
From a Shari`ah perspective, it is incorrect for parents to pressure a child into marrying someone they are not convinced of. Consent is a fundamental pillar of an Islamic marriage.
However, once the marriage is established, both spouses have a duty to try their best to foster the relationship. The goal of Islamic marriage is to build bonds of love, affection, and mercy. Consequently, it is religiously problematic for a wife to refuse intimate relations with her husband for extended periods without a valid religious or medical excuse.
The Gravity of Infidelity and Repentance
If unhappiness leads a spouse to have an affair, it is essential to recognize that Islam strictly forbids any pre-marital or extra-marital relationships. This is considered a heinous sin.
However, the door to mercy is never closed. Sincere repentance (Tawbah) is required immediately. Repentance is not valid unless one takes the following steps:
Remorse: Feeling deep regret for the sin committed.
Cessation: Refraining from the sin totally and cutting off all contact or circumstances that led to it.
Resolution: Making a firm resolve never to return to the sin.
Good Deeds: Occupying oneself with good deeds to wipe out past errors.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “One who has repented of a sin (sincerely) is like one who has never sinned at all.”
The Two Paths Forward
When a marriage is defined by a lack of love and deep unhappiness, there are generally two scenarios to consider.
1. Attempting Reconciliation
The first option is to move forward with the marriage while actively addressing the root causes of the unhappiness. This involves looking for means to inculcate love and affection, independent of family pressure.
In this scenario, seeking professional counseling is highly recommended. Additionally, mediation from a wise and influential family member or a local Imam can help bridge the emotional gap.
2. Seeking Divorce as a Last Resort
The second scenario is to seek a divorce (Khula if initiated by the wife). While divorce is described as the most hated permissible act in the sight of Allah, it is permitted as a last resort when the limits of Allah cannot be maintained within the marriage.
If a person cannot fulfill their duties to their spouse, feels no love, and fears falling into sin (such as adultery or neglect of rights) by staying, divorce may be the necessary solution. While family disapproval is a significant social hurdle, a Muslim is ultimately responsible for their own spiritual well-being and ability to lead a chaste, healthy life.
