It is well-known that insults and the use of foul language is not permissible in Islam, especially when it is directed to someone like one’s own wife.
Almighty Allah says: “O ye who believe! Let not a folk deride a folk who may be better than they (are), nor let women (deride) women who may be better than they are; neither defame one another, nor insult one another by nicknames. Bad is the name of lewdness after faith. And whoso turneth not in repentance, such are evil doers.” (Al-Hujurat: 11)
This brother needs to learn to control his tongue and busy himself with Allah’s Remembrance, and the recitation of Qur’an. This, in turn, will train his soul (nafs) and his tongue to obey Allah Almighty. There are many Adhkar (plural of dhikr) that the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, used to recite during the day and the night and on many other occasions. This brother should learn these and implement them into his daily life.
To do this, one should realize the consequences of the mistakes of his tongue. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, is reported to have said: “Whoever can guarantee (the chastity of) what is between his two jaw-bones and what is between his two legs (i.e., his tongue and his private parts), I guarantee Paradise for him.” (Reported by Al-Bukhari)
The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, was asked by one of his companions, “O Messenger of Allah, will we be held accountable for what we say!?” He responded, “May your mother be bereaved of you! Is there anything else that throws people into the Fire on their faces except the harvests of their tongues!” This Hadith is sufficient as a warning concerning the danger of this little piece of flesh that we have in our mouths (i.e. tongues). May Allah help us all!
As far as anger is concerned, it is a very serious disease which Islam warned Muslims against its evil consequences. Regarding the danger of anger and its bad consequences, we’d cite the following:
“Anger is a destabilizing thought. It is the most dividing emotion between friends; it takes away judgment, leads to depression, madness and wrong actions that we would repent later on when we are not angry. But why do we get angry? It is either an unexpected provocation or unexpected situation, which leads to frustration and an angry response.
During anger, one may physically or verbally abuse a person that he or she loves, hurt another living being like an animal, or during the dejection phase of anger, one can even hurt him- or herself and even attempt suicide.
The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, who was sent to mankind to teach them good morals, learned to control his anger toward the unbelievers and teach them appropriate expressions. He constantly warned his companions not to be angry. One companion asked him, Give me some short advice by virtue of which I hope for prosperity both in this life and in the Hereafter, and he said, “Don’t be angry.” Another person asked, what will save me from the Wrath of Allah, and he said, “Do not express your anger.” A third person asked three times, O Prophet of Allah, give me an order to do a short good deed, and he said, “Don’t be angry.” Once he asked a question of his companion, “Who among you do you consider a strong man?” They said, the one who can defeat so-and-so wrestler in a fight. But he said:“That is not so. The one who is strong is the one who can control himself at the time of anger.” The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, is reported to have stated that anger is like fire, which destroys you from within, and it can also lead you to the fire of hell by your own expressions of anger unjustly.”
How to Control One’s Anger:
In addition to its call for controlling one’s anger, Islam prescribed remedy for the person when in a state of anger, asking him to sit down or lie down as it is not easy to hit someone else in those positions. Also, performing Wudu’ is a good way to put out the “fire” of his anger. May Allah forgive us all and protect us from the Hellfire, Amen.
Finally, one should also try the following: “One should ask himself the following questions: “are you in control of yourself, or would you allow Allah to take control of you?” Think of Allah’s Punishment. Is Allah’s Wrath less than your wrath? And what happens when He expresses His Wrath? We humans who seek forgiveness from Allah must forgive others first. When one forgives someone else, it establishes peace and tranquility in one’s heart, but at the same time, the matter of injustice or wrong actions which made one angry, become a dispute between him and Allah; and if one do not take revenge and forgive, Allah might act on ones behalf.”
May Allah help us all to be kind towards each other, especially to our wives. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, is reported to have said: “The best of you are the best of you to your wives (and family), and I am the best to my wives.”