As a young man, navigating emotions and the complexities of relationships can be challenging, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. In Islam, love and marriage are serious commitments, and it’s important to approach them with mindfulness, patience, and a sense of responsibility. One common scenario that many young men find themselves facing is being deeply invested in a relationship that is not yet ready for marriage, which can bring feelings of frustration, confusion, and emotional turmoil.

A young man recently shared his experience of developing feelings for his cousin, with whom he had spent time while visiting his home country. After some time, these feelings grew into love, but various obstacles stood in the way, such as the distance between them, differences in their life circumstances, and complications within their families. Despite these issues, the young man felt strongly about marrying her and wanted to reconcile his feelings and his circumstances, even though they were far from ideal.

The Reality of Marriage in Islam

Marriage in Islam is not based solely on emotions or feelings, though they are important. Islam teaches us that love is one of the most beautiful elements of marriage, but it is not the only consideration. The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) emphasized that marriage is half of one’s religion, which signifies how serious this commitment is. A marriage is built on many factors, including emotional and psychological maturity, the ability to support one’s spouse financially, and the willingness to honor the responsibilities that come with it.

This young man had to confront several key realities about his situation. First, marriage is a serious matter that requires readiness in many aspects of life. Are you willing to give up your education to marry? Can you provide for her? Do you have the means to build a family, both emotionally and financially? These are essential questions that must be considered before pursuing marriage, especially when the time and resources required for education and career development are so significant.

Emotional Challenges and Rejection

The young man also faced feelings of rejection, disappointment, and hurt when his cousin did not reciprocate his love. This led him to question her sincerity and even harbor negative feelings towards her. However, Islam advises against hate and encourages forgiveness. Hatred can cloud judgment and harm the individual who holds such feelings. Instead of focusing on negative emotions, it’s better to focus on what is within one’s control—such as finishing one’s studies and gaining the necessary independence to make life decisions, including marriage.

Moreover, in situations like this, clear and direct communication is vital. Mixed signals and ambiguous feelings can lead to confusion and disappointment. In Islam, the marriage process is intended to be straightforward: if someone is interested in marrying another, they should express that interest clearly and respectfully. If the feelings are not reciprocated, it’s important to move on, accepting that Allah has something better in store.

Advice for the Young Man

  1. Focus on Your Future: The young man should focus on completing his medical studies and building his future. Marriage is a significant commitment, and without proper preparation, it can create unnecessary stress. Education should be a priority, and it will help him become a better provider and husband when the time comes.
  2. Consider Marriage Readiness: If he is truly ready for marriage, he should approach the situation with clarity. If he is not ready to support a wife or take on the responsibilities of marriage, it may be wise to step back and reconsider pursuing a relationship with her at this time.
  3. Surrender to Allah’s Will: It’s important to trust in Allah’s plan, even when things don’t go as hoped. Sometimes, we may feel that someone is “the one,” but Allah knows what is best for us. True love involves patience, understanding, and trust in Allah’s timing.
  4. Avoid Long-Distance Relationships Without Commitment: Engaging in long-distance relationships without a clear path to marriage can lead to emotional strain and confusion. If marriage is not possible at this time, it’s better to part ways amicably and focus on personal growth.
  5. Forgive and Let Go: The young man must learn to forgive both himself and the young woman for any hurt feelings. Holding onto anger and frustration only hinders personal growth and well-being. Islam teaches us to forgive, let go, and trust in Allah’s wisdom.

Conclusion

In conclusion, love and marriage are beautiful aspects of life, but they must be approached with a sense of maturity, responsibility, and faith in Allah’s plan. It’s essential to consider all aspects of life—emotional, financial, and familial—before pursuing a relationship. While the emotions may be strong, it is important to recognize that love is not the only factor in a successful marriage. Patience, wisdom, and clear communication are key. The best course of action is to trust in Allah, focus on personal development, and wait for the right time to make such a significant commitment.

May Allah guide all those who seek His help in matters of the heart, and may He provide clarity and peace in all relationships.