As parents, it’s natural to feel concerned when something about your child seems “off.” For many parents, especially of teenagers, it’s common to notice behaviors that can be unsettling but don’t always know how to address them. When a teenager appears to be functioning normally in some areas—like excelling in school or holding a part-time job—but exhibits concerning actions or emotions, it can be difficult to know how to respond. The question often arises: “What’s going on with my child?”
A case that reflects this situation involves a 17-year-old who is generally well-behaved—attending college full-time, working part-time, and maintaining cleanliness around the house. Despite these positives, there are troubling signs. The teenager displays unsettling behavior, such as making threatening statements toward a pet, browsing disturbing online content, and showing signs of deep anger and frustration, particularly with family members. These actions, alongside a history of depression and past drug use, suggest that something deeper might be at play.
Identifying the Root Causes of Troubling Behavior
In situations like this, the first step is to acknowledge that the behaviors you’re seeing may be symptoms of deeper emotional struggles. Teenagers are navigating a critical stage of life where their emotions and sense of identity are constantly evolving. The behaviors might reflect unresolved anger, frustration, or trauma—especially when a child feels misunderstood or disconnected from their parents.
If a teenager is acting out or displaying alarming behavior, it’s important to reflect on the dynamics within the family. Sometimes, the frustration a teen feels may be directed at their home life, relationships, or interactions with parents. It’s essential to ask yourself whether there are unresolved issues between you and your child that could be contributing to their current state.
Communication Is Key
Often, the hardest part of addressing a teen’s behavior is breaking down the barriers of communication. In many cases, teenagers may feel that their concerns are ignored or misunderstood, leading them to shut down emotionally or lash out in ways that get attention. When a teen expresses frustration or makes hurtful accusations, it’s vital to listen carefully and not dismiss their feelings outright. Teens may use harsh language or act out because they feel powerless or unsupported.
Instead of reacting defensively, parents should strive to create an open, safe space for conversation. It may be difficult, but engaging in honest dialogue—without blame or accusations—can help both parties understand each other better. This might mean acknowledging the teen’s feelings and asking questions about what they’re going through. Taking the time to understand their perspective can lead to valuable insights into their emotional state.
The Importance of Professional Help
If a teenager exhibits concerning behaviors, such as making threats, engaging in harmful activities, or displaying signs of mental distress, it may be necessary to involve a professional. Therapy or counseling can provide a neutral environment where the teen can express themselves without fear of judgment. A trained professional can help the teenager work through their anger, frustrations, and past trauma, offering strategies to manage their emotions and improve their behavior.
If you suspect that a teen is struggling with depression or other mental health challenges, seeking help is crucial. Depression, particularly in teenagers, can manifest in a variety of ways, including irritability, withdrawal, and even risky behaviors. If untreated, depression can escalate, so addressing it early can prevent further harm.
Building Trust and Support
In many cases, teenagers act out because they feel disconnected or misunderstood by the adults in their lives. It’s important for parents to reflect on their own behavior and how they might contribute to the communication breakdown. Perhaps the teen is struggling with a lack of trust or feels that their concerns are dismissed. If there is any tension between parents and the teen, it’s essential to approach the situation with empathy and understanding.
Building trust with a teenager takes time, but it begins with listening and showing a willingness to understand. If the family dynamic is strained, it might also be helpful to involve a family therapist or mediator who can guide the conversation in a constructive direction.
Moving Forward: Taking Action
Addressing troubling behavior in a teenager can feel overwhelming, but it’s important to take responsibility as a parent and act with care. Don’t wait for a crisis to arise before reaching out for help. Open the lines of communication and seek support where necessary. You may not have all the answers, but showing your teen that you’re invested in their well-being can be the first step toward healing.
Ultimately, every child is unique, and their struggles may be rooted in experiences or emotions that are difficult for them to express. However, by remaining engaged, offering support, and seeking professional help when needed, you can help guide your teen through this challenging phase and ensure they feel heard and valued.