Marriage is a significant institution in Islam, intended to provide peace, tranquility, and partnership in fulfilling the divine mandate. It is a deeply spiritual and emotional connection between two individuals, and it has profound implications for personal and societal well-being. In today’s world, where societal values and norms often conflict with Islamic principles, young Muslims may find themselves facing challenges and difficult decisions, especially when it comes to choosing a spouse and specifically matters relating to marriage and morality. One question that often arises is how to navigate the complexities of modern relationships, especially when encountering behaviors and choices that seem at odds with Islamic teachings.
The Role of Marriage in Islam
In Islam, marriage is far more than a societal contract—it is a sacred bond designed to create spiritual tranquility and love. The Qur’an highlights the importance of this tranquility, stating:
“Among His signs is that He created for you spouses of your own kind in order that you may repose to them in tranquility and He instilled in your hearts love and affection for one another; verily, in these are signs for those who reflect (on the nature of the reality).” (Ar-Rum: 21).
In this verse, the primary objective of marriage is clear: spiritual peace, mutual affection, and fulfillment of a shared divine purpose. Islam recognizes the natural human instincts for physical, emotional, and intellectual connection, but it emphasizes that the foundation of marriage must be built on faith and moral integrity.
Addressing the Concerns of Misbehaving Individuals
It is common to encounter individuals who do not adhere to Islamic values, including in the realm of marriage and relationships. However, witnessing misbehavior among some Muslim girls is not a valid reason to abandon the idea of marriage altogether. There are righteous individuals who align with Islamic teachings, and one can certainly find a suitable partner who shares these values.
If a Muslim girl is engaging in behavior that conflicts with Islamic principles—such as being involved with a non-Muslim in an inappropriate manner—it is important to address the situation responsibly. If you know the girl’s family, consider discussing the matter with them in a respectful and compassionate way. It is essential to approach this issue with kindness and an intention to help guide the individual back to the righteous path, not to judge or criticize them harshly.
The Characteristics to Look for in a Spouse
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) provided clear guidance on the qualities to look for in a spouse. He said:
“A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her family status, her beauty, and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman; otherwise, you will be a loser.” (Reported by Al-Bukhari).
From this hadith, we learn that piety (religion) should be the most important consideration when selecting a spouse. While physical beauty, wealth, and family status are natural factors that people often consider, they should not overshadow the critical element of faith. Here are some key qualities to focus on when choosing a spouse:
Religion
The Prophet (peace be upon him) emphasized that piety and religious commitment are the most important traits in a marriage. A spouse’s dedication to Allah and adherence to Islamic values will ensure that the foundation of the marriage remains strong. It is not enough for someone to simply wear a hijab or pray regularly; true piety is reflected in actions, character, and the way they uphold the principles of Islam. It is important to look beyond appearances and superficial signs of religiosity.
Character and Behavior
Character is just as important as religious commitment. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “I have only been sent to complete good character” (Reported by Al-Hakim). A good character will reflect kindness, patience, honesty, and respect. Marriage in Islam is also about mutual respect, and the foundation of any successful marriage is built on these qualities.
Willingness to Have Children
The ability to bear and raise children is an important aspect of marriage in Islam. It is not merely a physical act but is seen as a responsibility to nurture and raise the next generation of Muslims. The Prophet (peace be upon him) advised men to marry women who are child-bearing because of the societal and spiritual role they play in raising a pious family.
Virginity and Purity
Islamic teachings also recommend that individuals marry someone who is pure and has not been involved in previous intimate relationships. While this is not an absolute requirement, it is viewed as a positive attribute, as the marriage can begin with a sense of mutual respect, trust, and shared experiences. The Prophet (peace be upon him) encouraged young men to marry virgins because of the potential for a more harmonious relationship.
Beauty
Although beauty is not the most important factor, it plays a role in fostering love and attraction between spouses. The Prophet (peace be upon him) recommended that individuals ensure they are physically attracted to their spouse. However, one should remember that beauty fades with time, while the strength of faith and good character lasts.
When Facing Interfaith Relationships
Another concern raised in the original question is how to feel about a Muslim girl involved with someone of a different faith. Islam prohibits Muslim women from marrying non-Muslim men, as the marriage could potentially lead to the weakening of their faith. If you see a Muslim girl in such a situation, it is important to approach the matter with wisdom and care. Encourage her to seek guidance from her family or local scholars and remind her of the importance of maintaining strong faith in relationships.
Conclusion: Trusting Allah’s Guidance
It is natural to feel disillusioned when witnessing behaviors that contradict Islamic values, but it is important not to generalize or lose hope. Marriage in Islam is a spiritual commitment that should be based on piety, character, and mutual respect. While it may seem challenging at times, trust in Allah’s plan and remember that there are righteous individuals out there who embody the qualities that Islam values most.
When seeking a spouse, it is essential to prioritize faith, character, and kindness above all else. By doing so, you can find a partner who will help you grow closer to Allah and build a successful, peaceful marriage. May Allah guide us all in our search for the right spouse and bless our relationships with love, respect, and tranquility. Ameen.