Marriage is a journey that often presents challenges, both emotional and practical. For one woman, balancing her marital challenges and responsibilities with her personal needs and desires has become a source of tension. She feels resentful because, despite working part-time and contributing equally to the financial responsibilities of the household, her husband has never bought her gifts or shown affection in ways that others might expect. On top of that, she faces a significant difference in their values, as her husband does not practice Islam and is unwilling to have another child. Living away from both their families in a European country, she feels isolated and struggles with loneliness, even though she maintains a polite relationship with her husband. Here, we explore how she can navigate these challenges with grace and patience, guided by faith.

1. Understanding Marital Roles and Responsibilities

In Islam, the baseline responsibility is that a husband is the provider for his family, while a wife is not required to work outside the home. However, if a wife chooses to work, her income is at her discretion, and her husband is still responsible for the financial upkeep of the home. If the household expenses exceed the husband’s income, it is up to the couple to discuss how to share the burden. This often requires open, respectful communication.

The question of finances often becomes a point of contention in relationships. It’s important to acknowledge that while the wife has contributed financially, resentment can build if both partners feel their emotional needs are unmet. The woman in this scenario feels unappreciated for her contributions because her husband has not expressed affection in ways she desires, such as buying gifts. It’s essential to recognize that affection is a two-way street. If love and emotional connection are lacking, these small gestures of care, like buying gifts or jewelry, may not come naturally to her husband.

2. Addressing Emotional Intimacy and Respect

A healthy relationship is built on love, understanding, and respect. The woman’s desire for affection, such as receiving gifts, is valid, but it should be framed within the broader context of emotional intimacy. When there is no love or emotional connection, it can be difficult for either partner to feel fulfilled. It’s clear that both the woman and her husband may feel unappreciated in different ways. The husband might feel overlooked in his efforts to contribute, and the wife might feel undervalued in her role as a financial contributor without emotional acknowledgment.

The Qur’an highlights the importance of love and compassion in marriage:
“And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion…” (Rum 30:21).
Building love and compassion takes time, but it can start with small gestures of kindness, active listening, and mutual understanding. While the wife may feel resentment about not receiving gifts, it is crucial to assess the overall state of the marriage. A lack of love can lead to misunderstandings, and in this case, both partners may be disconnected emotionally, which affects their willingness to show affection.

3. The Role of Faith in Resolving Marital Struggles

In this situation, the woman also faces a difference in values. Her husband does not practice Islam, which presents significant challenges, particularly in raising their child and considering future family plans. It’s understandable that she feels conflicted about having another child with someone whose beliefs differ so significantly from hers. The absence of shared religious practices, such as prayer and abstaining from alcohol, can cause tension and distance.

However, as a practicing Muslim, she can take comfort in knowing that Allah (SWT) is always with her, guiding her decisions. She can pray for her husband’s guidance, asking Allah to soften his heart and lead him to prayer and a more righteous path. As for her own emotional wellbeing, it’s important to maintain a sense of peace and not allow resentment to build. If the marriage is to thrive, there must be mutual respect, understanding, and compassion. Even if love feels absent, there is potential for connection through shared efforts in parenting, faith, and understanding.

4. Seeking Balance and Finding Peace

It’s essential to reflect on what is truly important. While the woman may feel happiest when she’s with her son or at work, she should also consider how her relationship with her husband impacts their son’s future. The child will grow up observing the dynamics in the home, and it’s crucial for both parents to model love, respect, and understanding. A child learns from both parents—how they resolve conflicts, show affection, and maintain their faith.

A key step in improving the relationship is addressing the emotional disconnect. This can begin with simple acts of kindness, open communication, and a willingness to understand each other’s needs. The wife can begin by showing empathy towards her husband, even if he is not fully aligned with her values. Islam encourages compassion and forgiveness, and these principles can help heal emotional wounds and build a stronger foundation for the marriage.

5. Making Du’aa for Guidance

When faced with difficult decisions, the power of prayer (du’aa) is a profound resource. The woman can pray for her husband’s guidance and ask Allah to make their marriage a source of peace and joy. Additionally, performing Istikhara (seeking Allah’s guidance) can offer clarity when it comes to making decisions about her future and her relationship.

The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) taught his companions to perform Istikhara for every matter of importance, seeking Allah’s knowledge and wisdom:
“O Allah! If You know that this matter is good for me, then make it easy for me, and if You know that it is not good for me, then turn it away from me and choose for me what is best.” (Bukhari)

6. Conclusion

In conclusion, marriage requires ongoing effort, patience, and understanding. The woman in this scenario faces several challenges, but with faith, prayer, and a commitment to improving her relationship, she can create a more harmonious and fulfilling life. It’s important to focus on emotional intimacy, respect, and communication to build a solid foundation for her marriage and family. By nurturing both her relationship with her husband and her connection with Allah, she can find peace in her heart and trust that the right path will be revealed.