The struggle where motherly ties bind my conversion is a profound test faced by many new Muslims, particularly when cultural expectations clash with religious choices. For a revert daughter, dealing with a mother who views Islam as a betrayal of heritage—especially in a predominantly Catholic culture like Brazil—requires immense patience, wisdom, and spiritual fortitude.
This article offers advice on how to handle a mother’s hostility, the accusations of fanaticism, and the tension surrounding the Hijab and marriage.
You Cannot Force Understanding
The first step in finding peace is accepting a hard truth: you cannot force your mother to understand or accept your choices. Only Allah can change people’s hearts.
Attempting to win arguments or logically dismantle her accusations often backfires, reinforcing her belief that you have become “radicalized” or “argumentative.” Instead, focus on your own reaction. When she calls you names like “fanatic” or “crazy,” remember that she is speaking from a place of fear. She likely views your reversion not as a spiritual discovery, but as a rejection of her, her upbringing, and her culture.
Separating Religion from Culture
Your mother’s accusation that you have “betrayed your country” stems from a misunderstanding of Islam. You must demonstrate through your actions that Islam did not come to eradicate culture, but to perfect it.
- Show, Don’t Preach: Avoid lecturing her on theology. Instead, show her that you are still her daughter—perhaps even a better, kinder, and more patient daughter than before.
- Bridge the Gap: Emphasize that you still love your Brazilian heritage and your family. Religion and culture are not identical; you can be fully Muslim and fully Brazilian simultaneously, rejecting only what contradicts Allah’s law.
The Power of Patience and Character
The most effective Da’wah (invitation to Islam) for a parent is excellent character.
- Avoid Arguments: If she tries to provoke you or attack your Hijab, do not engage in a heated debate. Respond reasonably or gently change the subject. If necessary, walk away respectfully to avoid “disrespecting” her in the heat of the moment.
- Unconditional Love: Continue to serve her and treat her with kindness, even when she is hurtful. This aligns with the Qur’anic command to treat parents with Ihsan (excellence) even if they strive to make you commit Shirk.
- Knowledge as a Shield: Arm yourself with sound knowledge about why you practice what you practice (e.g., the social and spiritual benefits of Hijab). This allows you to answer calmly without sounding dogmatic or “brainwashed.”
Protecting Your Marriage
Regarding your husband, do not allow your mother’s prejudice to seep into your marriage. She may be trying to drive a wedge between you because she associates him with the changes in your life.
Maintain a boundary: respectful to your mother, but loyal to your husband. Do not relay her hurtful comments to him, and do not let her dictate your marital happiness. Over time, as she sees that he treats you well and makes you happy, her resistance may soften.
Spiritual Weapons: Du’a and Tahajjud
Finally, never underestimate the power of prayer. Use the time of Tahajjud (night prayer) to beg Allah to ease your mother’s heart. Ask Him to replace her fear with understanding and to grant you the patience to endure this test.
Remember, you are not drifting away from her by practicing Islam; you are moving closer to Allah. By maintaining your ties despite the pain, you are fulfilling a great act of worship.
