Arranged marriages can sometimes lead to significant compatibility challenges, particularly when there are wide gaps in age, education, or cultural upbringing between the spouses. A common dilemma arises when a husband feels deeply unhappy and depressed due to this lack of compatibility but faces pressure from his parents to stay in the marriage. This creates a conflict: does a man need his parents’ permission to divorce, and does he incur sin if he goes against their wishes?
The Severity of Divorce
Before addressing the role of parents, it is essential to understand the gravity of ending a marriage in Islam. Divorce is considered the most hated permissible act in the sight of Allah.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
“The most hateful permissible thing (Al-Halal) in the sight of Allah is divorce.” (Reported by Abu Dawud and Ibn Majah)
Therefore, divorce should be the absolute last resort, utilized only after all possible means to resolve differences have been exhausted and the marital life has become truly unbearable.
Is Parental Permission Required?
Regarding the legal authority in this matter, Islamic scholars clarify that a parent’s involvement in an adult child’s marriage or divorce is consultative, not binding.
A husband does not strictly need his parents’ permission to divorce his wife. He is responsible for his own life and has the right to make decisions that ensure his well-being and religious practice. If the marriage is causing him depression or harm, he does not incur the wrath of Allah for making a decision that contradicts his parents’ wishes, provided he maintains respect towards them.
Parents are encouraged to be open-minded and to support their children in leading happy, stable lives rather than forcing them into unhappy unions.
Attempting Reform Before Separation
While the right to divorce exists, it is advisable to try and bridge the gap before taking that final step.
Bridge the Educational Gap: Instead of viewing a lack of education as a permanent flaw, a husband can support his wife in enhancing her educational background.
Build Emotional Intimacy: Spouses should spare no effort in bringing themselves closer through quality time, such as arranging a trip to foster bonds of affection away from daily stressors.
Seek Counseling: Professional Islamic counseling can help determine if the compatibility issues are truly unsolvable.
Supplication (Du’a): One should constantly pray to Allah to guide them to what is best for their worldly life and the Hereafter.
