The challenge of dealing with non-Muslim in-laws, particularly those who may be hostile due to religious differences, is a profound trial that requires immense patience (Sabr) and wisdom. Situations involving specific dynamics, such as family members belonging to groups with strict exclusion policies (like Jehovah’s Witnesses), can be undeniably painful. However, Islam provides a framework for navigating these relationships with dignity and moral superiority.

This article outlines the Islamic perspective on maintaining ties with non-Muslim relatives and practical steps to manage hostility.

The Sanctity of Kinship (Silat ar-Rahim)

Islam places massive importance on building a strong society where love and cooperation prevail. This extends to family ties, regardless of their faith.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) narrated a Hadith Qudsi where Allah speaks about the ties of kinship:

“Allah created His creation, and when He had finished it, the womb (referring to ties of kinship) got up and caught hold of Allah whereupon Allah said, ‘What is the matter?’ On that, it said, ‘I seek refuge with you from those who sever the ties of kith and kin.’ On that Allah said, ‘Will you be satisfied if I bestow My favors on him who keeps your ties, and withhold My favors from him who severs your ties?’ On that it said, ‘Yes, O my Lord!’ Then Allah said, ‘That is for you.'” (Sahih al-Bukhari 4830)

This teaches us that maintaining ties is a direct link to Allah’s favor. Even when relatives are difficult, maintaining the connection is a form of worship.

Practical Tips for the Muslim Wife

Scholars advise specific strategies for dealing with hostile in-laws to turn the situation into an opportunity for reward and potential guidance (Da’wah).

  • Be an Ambassador: In-laws may judge Islam entirely based on a Muslim’s behavior. Believers should strive to show Islam in its “brightest color” through patience, service, and generosity. This is a silent form of preaching that is often more effective than debate.
  • The Power of Du’a: Never underestimate supplication. One should always make Du’a for their relatives, asking Allah to open their hearts and guide them to the straight path.
  • Kindness as Duty: A Muslim wife should try her best to please her mother-in-law and father-in-law, explicitly stating that her religion commands her to honor them. When they see that Islam is the reason for this kindness—despite their rudeness—it may soften their hearts.
  • Do Not Cut Ties: Refraining from talking to them or “shunning them back” will only add insult to injury. It is Islamically superior to remain kind even if the hurtful behavior does not change.

A Shift in Perspective: Disbelief as Spiritual Illness

It can be helpful to shift one’s mental framework regarding cruelty from relatives.

  • The Analogy: Consider disbelief and religious intolerance as a “spiritual disease.”
  • The Treatment: When dealing with a sick person, one does not get angry at their symptoms; one treats them with gentleness and care.
  • The Application: Viewing hurtful remarks and shunning not as personal attacks, but as symptoms of confusion and lack of guidance, makes it easier to respond with compassion rather than anger.

Overcoming Isolation

For those living in areas with few Muslims, feeling “so alone” is a common struggle. This is a critical issue to address for mental health.

  • Seek Community: It is important to actively try to extend links with Muslim brothers and sisters in the wider area, even if they live seemingly far away.
  • Support System: Having a connection with the Ummah will alleviate the feeling of alienation and give a believer the emotional strength needed to handle difficult in-laws with grace.