Experiencing unrequited love in Islam or facing family rejection regarding marriage is a profound emotional trial. When a young Muslim commits their heart to someone, prays fervently for union, and avoids sin for the sake of Allah, a negative outcome can lead to devastating feelings of depression and confusion.
When families disagree or an Istikhara (prayer for guidance) yields a negative result, a believer may feel lost, questioning why their sincere supplications were not answered as they hoped. Islamic counseling provides a pathway to navigate this heartbreak through trust in Divine Decree (Qadar) and practical steps for healing.
Trusting in Divine Decree (Qadar)
A fundamental concept in Islam is that while humans may desire something passionately, their knowledge is limited. A person may feel they cannot live without a specific individual, yet Allah knows the unseen reality of that potential union.
Having a good spouse is a blessing, but no one knows with certainty who is truly good for them. Even if a believer loves someone deeply, Allah may know that the marriage would bring harm to their religion or worldly life. Therefore, the response to rejection or a negative Istikhara should be to put one’s trust in Allah. One should ask Allah to destine what is truly good and to grant contentment with His predestination, even if it contradicts their immediate desires.
Coping with Depression and “Unanswered” Prayers
It is a common misconception that if a prayer is not answered exactly as requested, it means the believer is “not good” or that Allah is ignoring them. On the contrary, Allah often withholds a specific request to protect His servant or to grant them something better.
When a person feels so overwhelmed that they wish to quit their studies or feel life has lost its charm, it is vital to recognize this as a severe test. Scholars advise that it is possible to free the mind from attachment to a specific person, even if it takes time. Many people have successfully moved on from deep heartbreak to lead happy, successful lives by accepting that Allah’s refusal was a form of mercy.
Steps to Heal and Move Forward
To recover from the pain of rejection and clear the mind, counselors advise the following practical and spiritual steps:
Spiritual Connection: Engaging in optional acts of worship, such as fasting, prayer, and Istighfar (seeking forgiveness), helps relieve the heart and draw it closer to Allah rather than the object of affection.
Community Support: Isolating oneself exacerbates depression. It is recommended to surround oneself with righteous friends, visit the Mosque, and participate in beneficial community activities.
Supplication (Du’a): Instead of focusing on a specific person who is not available, one should resort to Allah with sincere Du’a, asking Him to grant a good, pious Muslim spouse who will bring happiness in this life and the Hereafter.
Professional Counseling: If the emotional distress is severe, seeking professional Islamic counseling is highly recommended to help navigate the depression and find mental clarity.
