Saying “You Are Forbidden to Me as My Sister”: Forbidden Zhihar?

When a man says to his wife “You are forbidden to me as my sister or as my mother if you do such-and-such” and then she does it, this is considered zhihar. In this case, he must not have sexual relations with her before expiation (kaffarah) which is, in such a case, emancipating a slave, fasting for two successive months, or feeding sixty needy persons. As slavery has no place now by virtue of Islam and international law, there remain the other two options; fasting and then feeding.

Dr. `Ujail Jasem An-Nashmi, professor of Shari`ah at the University, of Kuwait states: “It is worth mentioning that the zhihar can be applicable immediately, or dependant on a condition, or even in the future. Thus, the man pronouncing the formula of zhihar is forbidden to have sexual intercourse with his wife before making the expiation of zhihar according to the verse, “Those who put away their wives (by saying they are as their mothers) and afterward would go back on that which they have said; (the penalty) in that case (is) the freeing of a slave before they touch one another” (Al-Mujadilah: 3). Moreover, the wife is to forbid her husband from having sexual relations with her until he makes expiation, and if he refuses to do so, she has the right to refer her case to the judge, who would order him to make atonement. If the husband refuses, the judge is entitled to force him to divorce; otherwise, the judge has the right to effect divorce.
The expiation that must be done for zhihar is one of the following three, to be chosen in this order: freeing a slave, fasting, or feeding 60 needy people. This is according to the verse in which Allah states: “Those who put away their wives (by saying they are as their mothers) and afterward would go back on that which they have said; (the penalty) in that case (is) the freeing of a slave before they touch one another. Unto this ye are exhorted; and Allah is informed of what ye do. And he who findeth not (the wherewithal), let him fast for two successive months before they touch one another; and for him who is unable to do so (the penance is) the feeding of sixty needy ones. This, that ye may put trust in Allah and His Messenger” (Al-Mujadilah: 3-4).”