Work obligations often require a husband to live in a different country than his wife, creating a long-distance marriage in Islam. While this may be necessary for financial reasons, prolonged physical separation can lead to severe emotional and physical pain, making it difficult for spouses to maintain their chastity and protect themselves from the whispers of Satan.
This situation raises critical questions about the permissible limits of separation and the Islamic rulings on alternative forms of intimacy, such as phone conversations or self-stimulation, to avoid the major sin of Zina (adultery).
The Permissible Duration of Separation
Islamic tradition provides guidance on how long a husband may be away from his wife. It is stipulated that a Muslim man should not keep away from his wife for more than six months. This ruling is based on a decision by the Caliph `Umar Ibn Al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him).
It is narrated that Umar was patrolling Madinah at night when he heard a woman reciting poetry about the pain of her husband’s absence and her fear of Allah preventing her from sin. After consulting his daughter, Hafsah (may Allah be pleased with her), regarding how long a woman can endure separation, she replied, “Six months.” Consequently, Umar decided not to send married men on military expeditions for longer than this period.
If a Muslim is away for longer than this, both parties risk falling into temptation. Therefore, scholars advise that a husband should prioritize bringing his wife to live with him, even if it is costly, or arrange for regular visits. Money should not take precedence over the spiritual and emotional safety of the family.
Rulings on Intimacy During Separation
When physical intimacy is impossible, couples often seek other ways to release sexual tension.
Masturbation: In general, masturbation is considered forbidden in Islam as it falls outside the framework of marital relations. However, scholars note a specific exception: if a person fears they will commit the major sin of Zina (adultery) and masturbation is the only alternative to prevent it, they may resort to it without exaggeration. The intent must be to protect oneself from the greater sin.
Phone Intimacy: It is permissible for spouses to speak tenderly or explicitly over the phone to excite one another. The source text notes that this interaction can proceed to the point of satisfaction (orgasm), provided it is done through mutual conversation and excitement, without the use of hands.
Exchange of Photos: Regarding sending erotic photographs, the ruling depends entirely on privacy. If the couple can ensure 100% security that no one else will ever see these photos, it is permissible. However, if there is any risk of these images being intercepted or seen by others, it becomes impermissible.
Spiritual Protection
If regular visits or relocation are impossible, spouses are advised to break the power of desire through spiritual means.
This includes observing voluntary fasting, lowering the gaze, and making constant Dhikr (remembrance of Allah). Preoccupying the mind with beneficial activities and avoiding triggers is essential to complying with the Quranic command:
“…and do not follow the footsteps of Satan. Indeed, he is to you a clear enemy.” (Quran 2:168, Saheeh International)
