Husband is abusive: what to do?

In Islam the marriage of a man and a woman is not just a financial and physical arrangement of living together, but a sacred contract, a gift of Allah, to lead a happy, enjoyable life and to procreate. The main goal of marriage in Islam is the realization of tranquility and compassion between the spouses.

The relations between the spouses should be based on tranquility, love, and mercy. These are very important concepts in Islam that summarize the ideals of Islamic marriage. It is the duty of the husband and wife to see that they are a source of comfort and tranquility for each other. They should do everything physically, emotionally, and spiritually to make each other feel happy and comfortable. They must care for each other. They should not inflict any harm or injury, neither physically nor verbally, on each other.

Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada , states the following: If this woman had been forced into this marriage without her consent, then the marriage is deemed null and void, for no one in Islam, including one’s own parents, has the right to force anyone to marry someone he or she does not like. Therefore, any such marriage conducted without the consent of the woman shall be considered as invalid. If, on the contrary, she had agreed to it initially, then the marriage is considered as valid. If after the marriage they developed problems in marriage, then the solution is not to rush to divorce, which, being the most abhorrent of all permissible acts in the sight of Allah, should be resorted to only as the last resort, after one has exhausted all the means of reconciliation.

Having said this, however, I must point out that if the woman is convinced that her husband is physically abusive and does not seem to be inclined to change his abusive behavior by taking the necessary steps to change, then she has every right to seek divorce from him. It is important for us to know that in Islam, just as a man has a right to terminate a marriage he does not like to continue, likewise, a woman has also the right to terminate a marriage she does not like. For after all, marriage is a free choice between two equal partners, man and woman. If, therefore, she strongly feels deep inside her heart that she cannot forge a lasting partnership with this man, it is best for her to choose to terminate the same instead of staying in a limbo. Allah orders the married couple in the Qur’an that they must make a choice: either live together in a mutually honorable relationship or release each other from the bond of marriage in an equally honorably manner.