Navigating the boundaries of communication between engaged couples in Islam is a vital step for prospective spouses, especially in an era where technology facilitates long-distance introductions. When a man and a woman are engaged but have not yet met in person, establishing a connection through regular telephone conversations is a common practice to get to know one another. However, understanding the Islamic perspective on the limits, nature, and preferred methods of these interactions is essential to ensure the relationship develops within the bounds of piety and religious propriety.
The Permissibility of Phone Communication
When examining the permissibility of extended phone conversations between prospective spouses, prominent scholars clarify that talking over the phone is entirely permissible. The critical condition for these interactions is that the content and subject matter of the discussions must remain decent, purposeful, and useful. The conversations should focus on understanding compatibility, shared values, and future life goals, avoiding any inappropriate or overly intimate dialogue before the formal marriage contract is enacted.
The Sunnah of Face-to-Face Meetings
While remote communication is allowed and serves a practical purpose, scholars emphasize that meeting and speaking face-to-face is significantly more effective for authentic communication. More importantly, physical meetings are much closer to the established Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him).
The prophetic tradition actively encourages prospective partners to see one another to ensure physical and emotional compatibility. When a companion was thinking of proposing to a woman, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) explicitly advised him to go and look at her, stating:
Go and see her, as this is more likely to bring about affection between you” (At-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah).
This guidance is designed to help both partners feel comfortable with each other before finalizing the marriage, effectively minimizing the risk of facing unexpected situations or deep incompatibilities after the wedding.
The Prohibition of Seclusion (Khalwah)
Although face-to-face meetings are highly encouraged to build this foundational affection and understanding, strict legal boundaries remain firmly in place during the engagement period. In Islamic jurisprudence, an engaged couple is still considered unmarried. Therefore, it is strictly prohibited for the prospective husband and wife to be in state of seclusion (khalwah) or to meet in a closed area where no other people are present. All physical meetings must take place in an appropriate, supervised setting to safeguard the honor and purity of both individuals.
