The pain of unrequited love can be deep and lingering, especially when it involves a person one wished to marry in the past. However, the situation becomes spiritually dangerous when it involves being in love with a married woman. This article addresses the strict Islamic stance on harboring romantic feelings for someone who is already married, and how to navigate the emotion of love within the boundaries of Shari’ah.
Stemming the Emotional Reaction
Before dealing with the general concept of love, it is critical to address the specific situation of maintaining feelings for a woman who is now married to another man.
A Muslim must control their emotions and stem any emotional reaction toward a married woman. Allowing the accursed Satan to overwhelm one’s thinking and entice wishful feelings toward her is considered a sinful act. One must block all means of interaction with her. To understand the gravity of this, one should consider how angry they would be if another man communicated with or harbored romantic intentions toward their own wife.
Islam’s Stance on the Feeling of Love
Islam teaches believers to be truthful and realistic. Usually, a Muslim loves for the sake of Allah and hates for the sake of Allah. Regarding romantic love, scholars clarify that the feeling itself is not classified as Halal (permissible) or Haram (forbidden) because it may not be under one’s control.
If we speak about the emotion called “love,” it is simply a feeling. It is not the subject of questioning on the Day of Judgment. However, what is of great importance is the action that follows.
- If the action is permissible: (e.g., proposing marriage to a single woman), then it is well and good.
- If the action is forbidden: (e.g., trying to see the person in secret, dating, or expressing feelings outside of marriage), then one has incurred Allah’s displeasure.
Therefore, while a person is not sinful for a natural inclination, they are definitely responsible and accountable if they get carried away by such feelings and take specific steps deemed Haram.
Building a Lasting Marriage
Marriages that are usually good and lasting are those that may start with the least affection, which then grows after marriage. This affection continues to develop until the couple continues their companionship in Jannah (Paradise).
Islam encourages marrying persons for whom one has special feelings and affinity. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) recommended that potential partners see one another before proposing, noting that “That would enhance/foster the bonding.”
However, one is advised against getting carried away merely by outward appearances. A person’s real worth is determined by the inner person or character. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) advised considering primarily the “religious or character factor” over and above beauty, wealth, and lineage.
Summary of Interaction Rules
As far as male and female interaction is concerned, Islam dictates strict rules to protect society:
- No Dating: It forbids all forms of “dating” and isolating oneself with a member of the opposite sex (Khulwah).
- No Indiscriminate Mixing: Mingling without necessity is discouraged.
- Purposeful Interaction: If one strictly avoids the above and seriously considers marrying someone for whom they have an affinity, this is encouraged.
However, in the case of a woman who is already married or has refused the proposal, the door is closed. The believer must accept the reality, control their thoughts, and move forward, seeking a partner who is available and compatible.
