What are the Wisdoms Behind Marriage?
Convince me why I should get married?I am 23, about to graduate and get a good job inshallah. Since long before i am a boy who prefers solitude. My natural shyness forgirls virtually prohibited me mentally to take any steps of getting to know them better.I am from Pakistan and you may well enough know of the so-called 'family politics' that goes on here. My mother passed away a fewmonths back and my relatives have been pressuring me to get married for a female presence in the house.I am afraid of the idea of this huge responsibilty on my shoulders. They say that marriage is a blessing, but i do not wish to put in theeffort to tell my wife to 'toe the line' when regarding islamic behaviour. I am by no means a devout man, but certainly incline to be abetter muslim.I do not look forward to be responsible to my future wife and supposedly, kids. Pakistan is culturally infested, having deep rootedculture it shared with India, cultural garbage normally takes preference over Islamic values. One of these i have disliked is the idea ofthe eldest brother getting married first. I am the eldest and despite my reasonable advice to my elders that my younger brother(1year younger, thus virtually the same age) should be married first since he is more willing. But my family is adamant on me gettingmarried first. They emotionally blackmail me by bringing up issues of 'family honour' and other garbage cultural values this countrythrows at me. They also dismiss any islamic reasons i try to discuss by saying 'but thats how its done here'. I wish i had the courageand guts to say what i liked on my mind but i am too scared(not a good quality in a 23 yr old male).I feel that all the things i wanted to do will come to an abrupt and grinding halt when i get married. I will have to financiallyresponsible. I will have to struggle through the possibility of a dead end job with no purpose except feeding my family. I will lose myfinancial independence and pretty much lose my freedom in the bond of marriage. I have rarely talked to girls all my life, keeping itstrictly to business(schoolwork). Anything more was strange to me. Not that i have not felt crushes to the every next girl that passesme, my shyness has proven itself to be an excellent purdah against non-mahram female companionship.I prefer my independence, yet i am definitely not averse to companionship. I like my friends, and feel that i maintain that all my life.Never have i been more confused about an aspect of life like marriage. From what i see, from what i hear, marriage is an institution, aprison institution, where a man is forever responsible for his wife. If the wife goes astray given my best efforts, I am responsible, thusmy sin is compounded with hers.And i don't want to bring up my eventual kids in an evil society in Pakistan. Culture is the pollutant here i want to get the hell out ofhere to a better Muslim country.How do you convince someone to 'struggle' and 'make an effort' while he/she does not even want to? I have read many articlesregarding the importance of marriage in Islam, including the warning by the Holy Prophet(Peace be Upon Him) that those who do notmarry is not among us(May the Lord forgive me if i have not stated the Ahadith correctly) but am still not convinced marriage is forme.How can you or anyone convince me to marry, when i don't want to?Now for the twisted part, there may be a time i may regret not marrying, it is a strong possibility given my neediness for humancontact. I lack the courage to face my father and tell him i do not want to marry. Marriage in short is a gamble, you never know whatmight happen despite all your best efforts. How can i be sure my wife will follow my lead after marriage, how will i know she will notcheat? What if i get bored of her quickly(and cheat)? I am a free spirit and prefer doing what i want. I will not consider divorce as anoption, but will suffer through the marriage in hope of a better reward.I have in general little hope in anything in my life. My mother was taken from my family after a long and painful illness, despite ourbest efforts to help her. We don't feel like failures, It was the Lord's will, but this has not helped my faith. I do not wish to ostracize myfamily, the idea is abhorrent to me, but i will have no choice if they keep on pressuring me to marry.Can you understand where i am going with this? Given that i am a masturbation addict the idea of marriage to solve this condition isappalling to me. I don't see marriage as any sort of a good thing, apart from the fact that it is a recommended sunnat and a collosalresponsibility, not joy and fun and games all my peers make it out to be. Finally, May Allah forgive me for all that i have said above. I am not against marriage for anyone. I'd recommend it to anyone. I intendto write this in hope(or what is left of it) to find a solution/explanation to my hesitance of marriage.Please help me, Best RegardsMuslim male UnwillingP.S: Reading your forums regarding marital troubles does not strengthen my resolve to marry. It makes me more scared!!
