My Parents Are Frustrating Me!
Salam... I have a question that I am sure affects many young people living in the UK with one or both parents from Pakistan. I am 22 years old, and I am not married yet; and so I am living at home with my parents. I have been brought up in a very close knit extended family. I have two issues with whom I have been struggling with for a while. The first issue is regarding my father. My relationship with my father is not very good, it hasn't been for a long time now. At one point, I was just so upset that I decided I didn't want to let him hurt me anymore, and so I should just stop caring about him. Even though I don't like the type of person my father is, I could never hate him. After all he is my father, and so if he ever needed anything from me or when he gets older I would always be the dutiful daughter. Right now I don't talk to my father even though we live in the same house, and I never ask him for anything. This situation doesn't seem to bother him either. He will ask my mum or brothers to tell me things instead of directly talking to me. This does not bother me as I really don't want to talk to him. I have a very good relationship with the rest of my family. My second issue is about marriage. I really feel I would like to get married soon, however I don't know how to talk to my parents about this. As I said previously, I have been brought up in a close family that are quite strict, so I have never had any boyfriends etc. I have always known that I will have an arranged marriage. However, everyone in my family has so far been married to someone from Pakistan (a relation) and my parents expect me to do the same. This makes me uncomfortable because I do not want to marry someone from there due to cultural differences and so on. I would like to marry someone from the U.K., where I have been born, brought up and educated. I want to meet someone who is like minded, and understands all of the rights that Islam gives a woman. I have never ever discussed marriage with my parents before (its a bit of a taboo subject in my house) so I dont know how I would ever tell them this. It really does scare me that they won't agree with me. It would be difficult for them to find someone from here also, and because in my career I meet very few Muslims, there is no-one that I could suggest. I pray every night to Allah, that he may guide me and help me but I wonder if there are other prayers I can read? Your thoughts on my problems would be much appreciated. This is an excellent service and many of the answers provided on this site have been useful to me in the past. I hope that you can answer my questions. Jazaka-Allah khayrun....