Relationship Between People of the Opposite Sex
* Assalamu alaikum.I have a problem which insha allah i hope you can advise me in and help me with... Alhamdulillah when i became a practising muslim, i stopped talking to na-mahrams, stopped listening to music, etc.. i used to visit islamic forums etc, to keep contact with other muslims,discuss islam, learn more, etc. on one particular forum i came across one brother. we simply private message'd eachother to ask about a general thing. then, the brother asked for my email address, so that we could discuss islam over the internet. like this, we discussed islam and so on. intentions were pure, everything was pure. the brother himself is pracitising and religious minded alhamdulillah. what so happened is - we began liking each other and basically due to it being haraam for us to talk in such a way, he began mentioning marriage. what we decided was,that when both of us were at university-we could say we came across each other and he proposed to me, and then id go on to tell my parents. my parents have 'traditional asian' views.. i couldnt ever tell them that i came across him on the internet and so on.. if i tell them about him now, theyd ask how i know him, why im talking.. and so on.theyd completely twist everything and...just dwell on that onething. i kno i made a huge mistake and committed sin in talking to him in the first place..may allah forgiveme and him.. then- i said to him that one way or another i could get my parents to agree later on. there MIGHT be a chance at uni,MIGHT not.. but i could only have an answer at uni level wen i mention him to them. he said that ws ok, he'd wait. we continued talking,with the intention of marriage. he lives down in luton, while i am up northwest in lancashire. the problem is, that now im thinking it cannot happen-my parents wouldnt agree. this is for the reason that i have a cousin who i know my parents are interested in for me, and his parents are interested in me for him. the cousin-is my mothers, brothers, son. my uncles son. both our families are very close. i am now scared that if i try to go ahead and tell my parents about the luton guy, our familiy ties will break with my cousins,my parents will be angry with me, and so on. i myself, do not like my cousin. he is not practising islam properly, and i dont like him in the sense that i would want to marry him... i'm confused. the luton guy has currently gone to the UAE for holiday for 4 weeks.. in the mean time i want some advise from you as to what i should do.. i really like him, not jus because of his personality an so on,but because of him being a practising muslim-and the religious side of him. i hate committing the sin of zina, therfore i would love to get married to him as soon as. yet, i know my parents myt not allow me as 'easily as that'. i keep remembering that it might be possible, then once ina while i begin thinking i shouldnt talk.he says he's willing to wait as long as it takes. we did discuss the sin of it all- we even made 'intervals'. where we wouldnt talk to each other, and then, once in a few months, he'd ring to jus basically-know the other person is alive and well! then we wouldnt talk again, until the nex few months.this did go on-we didnt talk for about 3 weeks. in them 3 weeks i alhamdulillah went to do umrah in saudi.. when i came back, he rang and we talked, and he said it was too difficult for him to not talk for so long.. what i want to know is, is what should i do.. i know its a sin thats whyim so desperate in making it halaal.. he thinks the same. but family is the main problem. i know we sinned in talking from the beginning-our intentions were clean and id never have thought itd turn into this. there is a chance that it might not work out-even when we both get to uni and i tell my parents that 'oh, theres this guy at uni whos propsed etc etc'. but he says if it doesnt work out then-once ive told my parents, he'llwalk away, and wont say anymore. and itll be done over with then-as long as i mention it to them. i would mention it now to them, if only i could! but the way they are, and my family etc, i cant mention anything to them at the moment. my cousin is the main problem,the cousin i wouldnt want to marry! and that cousin also told me before, that he 'loves' me ... so now im stuck. should me n the luton guy wait until we both reach uni (he is inshallah applying to the north unis where i will be). should we wait until then, and in the mean time, go with the'intervals' wher we dont talk, and jus once in a while get in touch to know the other is alive! n once we're inshallah at university, i tell my parents, and if they say yes(inshallah)-alhamdulillah, if they say no-he'll walk away n thatl be the end of it. would this be the best thing to do, considering the situation and the fact that there Is nothing else i can do.. he is very adamant in this.. we also prayed istikhara-he prayed it around 3 times, his intentions were along the linesof, 'should i continue talking and take it to marriage'and that came out positive-all 3 times. i prayed my istikhara too-and mine came out once-no feeling, second time-positive, and the third-negative. my intentions were too-should we continue an take it marriage. mine have probably been affected wth the thought of my parents and them rejecting, and how difficult itd be if they say no after so long.. but when i did read it with an open mind, properly, i had a good dream regarding me n him, my day, my mind, my heart, everything was so settled, so peaceful, n so happy n content. so please could you help me...inshallah.. i really want my parents to understand that its not relations we should go for-its those who are practising and islamic.. the only thing that seems to be holding us back ryt nw, and not allowing us to make this halaal right now, is from my side - not being able t tellmy parents and so on...please reply back as soon as possible if u can.. jazakallah for ur timewa'alaikumussalam
