How to repent
Dear scholar,I am a 31 year old male doctor residing in Pakistan and a Sunni Muslim. I have done well all my life except in the past two to three years when my problems began. I am a feminine guy and by nature, I am sexually attracted to males. This has been going on since childhood and I think this is genetically determined. When I was 12 years old, my driver had anal sex with me. At that time, I was very young and presumably this was not my fault. But three years back, my trouble began when I left my clinical career for research in Pakistan as I was finding difficult to manage a clinical career. The research work was very boring and my colleagues kept on telling me to marry to find some success in life. Since I was attracted to guys only, one day I met a guy in my hospital. He was very nice to me and also touched me and I offered to have oral sex only with him and he agreed. He took me to a place and there he had anal intercourse with me which was with my consent due to my nature after my initial reluctance but also his insistence. Since then, I have been in deep trouble. I am having problems at work and fear that Allah's wrath will fall on me. I think I have committed a sin and will be punished for that. After having intercourse, I bled anally at home as well next morning which was seen by my parents. So I had to admit this to my parents as well and eventually my whole family got to know about it. Later on, I found out that the person with whom I had sex was an Aga Khani.I have a few questions:I have become an object of joke and fun among boys and girls in my hospital which I don't like. What should I do to get my sin forgiven?If I have to get married to a girl, my parents would be reluctant to find a girl. How should I find a girl who would stick to me and whom I would be able to satisfy?What should I do to have my sins forgiven and get Jannah on the Day of Judgement?