The Ethics of Engagement Period
Esselamu alejkum. I met a girl about a year ago. Few days later I met her father too. She comes from a very religious family.her father did not disagree with us getting to know each other, but he was against us seeing each other without his presence. In the very beginning we contacted mostly by short messages using our mobile phones. Later on I used to go to her home (two times a month), and there we would talk. Her father would let us be in one room with open door, and he would be in the next room. Then he would occasionally come to see what we are doing (sometimes we would sit in her garden and her father would be at the other end of the garden). During the year that we know each other we have also met a few times on our own in a public places.a few months ago we got engaged. I went to her place and asked her father for his permission to marry her. He approved. The problem is that we have some issues and we cannot get to marry for some time in the future. We have to wait at least one more year.now we need advice on how to continue our relationship and to stay pure, to avoid haram things. What is the difference now that we are engaged? Do we have bigger rights, can we see each other in public places, can I go to her place like I used to more often, can we talk on the phone? We use to talk over the phone a few times every day. We got really close and it could be very hard for us if we could not continue our communication and contact. We need to deal with many things about our future too, and we cannot talk about it over the phone. We also heard that we could get marry just to make our contact halal (without living together), but I don't think that this is appropriate and could ruin our relationship later. What is Your opinion about this?There are several reasons why we have to wait so long before we can get marry. I need to finish my education so I could get a job, etc. But the biggest problem of all is my family. They are not so religious. This means that they know about Allah, butthey don't do their prayers and other obligations. They would never allow me to get marry to this girl because she comes froma family that is very different than mine. Firstly, her family understands Islam in another way than my family. Her fatherhas a long bear, her mother and her two sisters wear a scarf. Secondly, her family is not very educated (her parents are noteducated - secondary school, they are unemployed, very poor). Her father is a street salesman. Also her family comes from a rural part of the city. My family is highly educated, and my parents work for the Government. I hope that You understand the difference. My parents warn me about these differences and say that we could never get along in the future (two of us, and my family with hers). They also say they would never accept this, and that they would keep trying to talk me over that marriage. It would be a humiliation for them to join with the family like this. (I live in Bosnia - if it can help to understand thesituation better). I tried few times to talk with them about it, but it just won't work. I?m having big problems with them because of my religious understanding and now I also want to get marry, and do not know what to do and how to behave. I know I have to obey my parents and listen to them and do what they say, but what can I do in a situation like this?Please respond to my e-mail, and do not public the second part of the question on the website because one could offend reading this, or could recognize about who is the word.
