Kindness to Parents
Assalamoalikum! First of all please ask a female scholar to comment on this as she will be able to understand the psychology of a woman too.Background: Since my childhood I have always seen my parents arguing fighting, beating up and domestic violence and stuff. We kids especially me being the elder one was beaten up by my parents in a way un explainable. And, I carry all that with me all the time. I mean Islam says the opposite about beating wives and kids, and both thigns were at max in my home. I never understood the reasons then and even now I don't understand why on earth? Some wisemen told me on my way to stay away from husband and wife disputes and be neutral, so I did try to follow.Then I came ot Eu for education and was not a practicing muslim not caring much about religion, also married on the course to a white lady (Christian) for settlement (sorry to write this) at the start but thgins started changing, around 2000, I started reading Quran alhamdolillah and digested it , alhamdolillah Allah changed my heart and I took a turn of 180 degrees. Hang on, the important thing here is that when I told my parents about this marriage, they cut off with me, my relation with siblings was spoiled and they never accepted the white lady with out even knowing her. My mother was th worse, she said I am not going to talk to you until you divorce this lady. I was in to islam, ididnt care much about all this and did what was islamicaly right then. I never divorced that lady, and kept on presenting the true spiritual islam, though it never worked and I had to divorce her ultimately. Know my mom was the happiest woman on earth and she started talking to me after more than a year (from the time she heard about my marriage to the time I divorced the white lady).Ok now I asked my parents to find a religious partner for me as I did nto want to go through all those hindu tra ditions back home (in Pakistan), they took a long time as they did nto understand that I really am looing for a religious woman and I want a simple marriage. Alhamdolillah, we succeeded and me and my future wife did istikhara and we are married now over a year alhamdolilllah. I am really blessed to have the most beautifull and a religious life partner with a sound character, exactly how Holy Prophet asks. And you know istikhara cant be wrong. ALhamdolillah we are more than happy and satisfied.Problems:Since my current marriage, my mother has made a fuss out of every single thing in my home, I was home with my wife for 2 months and 20 days, believe me that my mother made it the worse time of my marriage, I know my Islamic rights, I have read alhamdolillah all the info on parents right and vice versa from islam online and alhamdolillah I am a muslim 24 hours, but people are not back home. You know brother/sister, the family I have found is a pious one, no complains. BUT I don?t know why my mother again has made a total mess, she hates my inlaws and my wife. She doesn?t accept her from day 1. she shouts a lot, and even on hpone till today, she doesn?t speak to me or my wife, she uses abusinve language, the language that I cant not write. I don?t understand the psychology of my mother? Whats worng with her? Whole year we work hard here in EU and go home for a break and then we have to take all this, what for? How am I suppose to behave? I don?t feel like even calling home as I have to listen the abusive language that I don?t want to. Brotehr believe me its easy said then done. And since 2000 due to mostly my mom I have spoiled my relationship with other siblings, she is famous for shouting in the whole family, even my father and the neighbours know this. Now I rea lize how my father has tolerated her, whenever they argue, she says, give me a divorce? What is this? Is this the kind of mother holy prophet says that the heaven is under the feet? Please advise and comment how should me and my wife behave so that we don?t get caught on the day of judgment as thw Quran and Hadeeth are strict about parents rights.What is the cure of a person who only thinks negative, I still love my mother (allah knows) BUT I hate the way she thinks and acts.Knowing all this If I just don?t contact my home for lets say few months, will it be ok. I am really fed up know, as I cant take it now and I might start dis respecting my parents in this course if it continues like this on phone. I think I leave them and give them time to think that I am not 6 motnhs old and I am married, am a professional doctor and am 37 and they need to learn to respect me and my wife. I asked this question earlier but did not get an answer. Jazakumullaho kahirun,Abdullah
