Managing child behaviour in Islam requires immense patience, understanding, and a deep appreciation for the unique developmental stages of every child. Often, caregivers encounter a situation where a child, despite being highly intelligent, shows little interest in school or Quranic studies and instead continually repeats forbidden acts. While this may appear as deliberate teasing, it is vital to look beneath the surface. Such actions often stem from underlying emotional needs, sibling dynamics, and a profound desire for parental attention.
The Root Causes of Attention-Seeking
It is a common dynamic within families for the firstborn child to receive an overwhelming amount of attention regarding their education, care, support, and achievements. Consequently, a second or middle child might experience a decrease in their sense of security and confidence. To compensate, a child may develop rebellious or disruptive habits simply to attract attention from caregivers, as securing that attention is the essence of their actions.
Furthermore, if parents frequently praise one sibling—even for well-deserved achievements—in front of the other, it can ignite jealousy and ultimately lead to negative conduct. A seven-year-old, for instance, is at a crucial phase of development and is deeply eager to build a distinctive character separate from their sibling. Acting out or displaying the exact opposite attitude is often a manifestation of this desire for individuality.
Practical Techniques for Positive Engagement
Sharing daily activities is the key to overcoming these behavioural challenges. Both parents must actively participate in the child’s daily life to rebuild confidence and connection. Caregivers can apply several practical techniques to encourage positive habits:
- Shared Activities: Engage the child in simple, enjoyable tasks such as baking a cake. Parents should praise the child’s help, even if it results in a mess. Avoiding a messy kitchen is far less important than taking a step towards building a confident, relaxed, and loving personality.
- Bedtime Storytelling: Narrate stories about dearly loved children from Islamic history, highlighting what made them beloved by their families, neighbours, and by Allah. A beautiful example to begin with is Fatimah al-Zahraa (may Allah be pleased with her). She was immensely favoured and cherished by Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), who famously declared his deep bond with her, stating, “Fatimah is a part of me…” (Sahih al-Bukhari 3714).
- Visual Reward Systems: Install a small flipchart in the child’s bedroom, divided into the specific behavioural areas that need improvement. When the child does well, caregivers can draw a small star, a tick, or a smiley face. At the end of the week, or the following day depending on the agreement, these marks are counted, and prizes are given according to the child’s achievement.
Essential Principles for Parents
To ensure these techniques are effective and to foster a healthy home environment, parents must adhere to several fundamental principles:
- Acknowledge and appreciate any small achievement and betterment in the child’s conduct.
- Never compare a child to their brother or sister. Every child has an absolute right to their own self-worth.
- Help the child overcome mistakes by treating those errors as a natural part of the learning process and of growing up.
- Strictly limit the use of punishment. Caregivers must not resort to punishment unless they are one hundred percent sure the child knows the action is wrong. Furthermore, a child must have been warned at least five times previously that the act is unacceptable, and the parents must be certain the punishable act was done deliberately.
Ultimately, a child is a profound blessing from Allah. Modifying established behaviour requires substantial time, but with consistent effort, patience, and understanding, parents will see rewarding changes.
