It should be clear that the most fundamental question when choosing a partner is a religious one. While choosing a wife, a man should focus on the partner’s behavior and commitment to religion and vice versa. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty, and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman; (otherwise) you will be a loser.” (Reported by Al-Bukhari)

Therefore, we advise seekers to concern themselves first of all with the morals and characters of the would-be wife or husband, in shaa’ Allah. Moreover, we are highly encouraged to offer Istikharah Prayer to seek Allah’s guidance before taking any decisions.

As for the age difference, though it is mostly that the suitor is older than the woman, this is not a must. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) married Lady Khadijah who was 15 years older than him and their marriage was a great model in happiness and cooperation in piety and goodness. However, the age difference should not be great. Elaborating on what one should look for in a partner, the late Sheikh Sayyed Ad-Darsh, former Chairman of the UK Shari`ah Council, adds:
“The age difference between potential partners should not be too great. It is not fair to give a young girl to a man who is twenty or thirty years her senior [and vice versa]. If she, for one reason or another, accepts – or if he accepts, then it is their choice. But they should be aware of the future of their relationship and the implications of such a marriage. A gray-haired man once passed by a young black-haired girl and he proposed to her. She looked at him and said, ‘I accept, but there is a snag.’ He enquired what it was, to which she answered, ‘I have some gray hair.’ The man passed on without a word. She called out. ‘My uncle, look at my hair!’ She had hair as black as coal. He said to her, ‘Why did you say that?’ She answered, ‘To let you know that we do not like in men what they do not like in women.’ Marriage is not for fun or experience. It is a life-long relationship. For that reason, any factor detrimental to the relationship should be avoided as much as is possible.
Highly educated males and females should seek partners with a similar educational background. Cultural and family background is very important. Common language is an essential way of communicating. Such things help the two partners to understand, communicate and relate to one another and are factors of stability and success – as are financial independence and the ability to provide a decent acceptable level of maintenance. Again, this is a way of ensuring that outside influences do not spoil an otherwise happy life. All ways and means should be considered, giving a solid basis for a new human experience which is expected to provide a framework for a happy, successful and amicable life.
The questions of common language, background, education and age, etc., are meant, in an ordinary stable context, to maximize the chances of success and stability in a very important Islamic institution, that of marriage. However, considering the particular position of Muslim communities living in minority situations, young Muslims, male and female, are exposed to all sorts of challenges – be they cultural, linguistic, racial or social.
The most fundamental question when choosing a partner is a religious one- As far as language, background, or social position are concerned, these are not significant factors that absolutely must be fulfilled before a marriage can take place. If the prospective partner is of good character, with a strong religious inclination, and the two young people are happy and feel compatible with one another, other considerations are not of such importance.”